The First Amendment

People proudly stand up and fight for their second amendment rights.  All the time you hear people blathering on about government’s gun regulations.  Sometimes I get so tired of hearing about it that I think maybe the government was right.  Then I realize what I’m thinking and that there are hundreds of armed people standing around me and I quietly sit down.

Edward Bulwer-Lytton said, “The pen is mightier than the sword”.  He didn’t say is was mightier than the gun, but I suspect it holds true.  Every time I use the word gun I think of Full Metal Jacket.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

I am quite sure this amendment has been analyzed and re-analyzed a thousand times by people a thousand times smarter than me, but I’ve never analyzed it.  I’ve been told I’m ill informed on numerous occasions and I suspect that’s true.  Being ill informed does not, however, make me un-opinionated.  And sometimes, in order to make people believe my opinions are fact, I portray them with a sprinkling of accuracy to shelter my fragile ego.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion

Ok, I can live with that.  I’m not fond of religion, but if it makes you happy.  Establish all you want.  We’ll make more.  But the next part:

or prohibiting the free exercise thereof

I’m thinking that the guys that wrote this didn’t count on bad people wildly skewing this one.  Didn’t someone back in 1791 say, “Yeah, but what happens when some bonehead out in West Texas decides to start impregnating 13 year old girls in the name of religion?”

In my infinite wisdom, I have slightly modified the wording.  I am recommending an amended amendment.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof so long as the exercise of said religion doesn’t involve hurting people either financially, mentally or physically (especially children)

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I think my amendment to the amendment has just outlawed organized religion.  Sorry.

The next part is the freedom of speech part.

or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press

I had to look up abridging.  It says “to shorten or reduce in scope”.  That would seem to indicate that there already is a scope.  This is where the pen comes in.  I reckon the only thing that’s killed more people than the written word is religion.  And religion has its roots in the written word.  And we are allowing people to spew forth words freely?  Without regard to the damage they can cause?

Look how powerful the press has become.  Look how powerful the media has become.  I guarantee you we will never elect a leader in this country unless that leader is in the news.  He either has to be newsworthy or he has to be able to pay for ads on television.  The intelligent men that wrote this amendment couldn’t imagine the small little world we live in today.  They had newspapers that trickled out information.  Damage control was easy.

Let us amend this amendment as well.  We’ll say,

or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press so long as the information doesn’t glorify the bastards or make the criminals infamous

We already protect to some extent.  We have to say “alleged” until he’s been convicted.  But I say screw the criminals.  When Jack Asses want to run jets into the World Trade Center.  The media should not be able to give the Jack Asses names, nationalities, or religious points of view, and they certainly should not be able to name them terrorists.  They should be called Jack Asses.  That way their stupidity can not be glorified or justified by anyone else in the world.  I guess they could call them wannabe terrorists if you wanted to make a distinction between the Jack Asses that rob convenient stores.

The man that crashed his plane into the IRS building in Austin last week.  I don’t want to know his name.  I don’t want to know why he did it.  We don’t need to know these things.  These bits of information make other Jack Asses stand up and take note.  Now instead of being a Jack Ass, the media has turned this man into a martyr.  People are saying, “Well after dealing with the IRS I can see why someone would be driven to do such a thing.”  No you can’t. Don’t be a Jack Ass.  The only time violence is the answer is to protect yourself from violence.  Flying your stupid ass plane into an IRS building isn’t protecting anyone.  It’s being a Jack Ass.

If you are one of the people that know his name then ask yourself, “Who are the people who were injured or killed by this Jack Ass?  Who are the kids that are going to grow up without a mom or a dad because of this Jack Ass?  Who are the people that’ll feel fear every time a prop plane flies over head because of this Jack Ass?”

I’ll leave the rest of the amendment un-amended.

And tomorrow I’ll continue with my normal dose of mean spirited jovial blogging about random craziness.  Sometimes you just have to get this stuff out of your system.  Trust me.