I did some soul searching to see if I could perhaps come up with a reasonable explanation for my madness. I believe I have. And it’s all about the relaxation.
If you could take a step into the mind of Gar, you’d discover that I’m not nearly as calm and go lucky as my outward appearances might lead you to believe. I’m a pretty tightly wound individual.
My day to day activities are like playing an intense game of chess. Every move I make, I’m trying to plan 20 moves in advance. If I do ‘A’, then he’ll do this, then they might do this, then I might break my arm and end up in the hospital. If I do ‘B’, then he’ll be out of the equation, but then they may tell me this and I’ll be forced to do this which may take up too much time and interfere with this. Add a strong sense of empathy and a conscience easily made to feel guilty and you can see the beginnings of the dilemma.
When I talk to people I do the same thing. I have a hard time listening in conversations because I’m always planning on what I’m going to say next. I kid you not. I’ve been to counseling to try and alleviate my fear of being wrong. I have to plan well ahead for my next statement to prevent any possible errors. This plays hell with my ability to listen.
When people, including my children, harass me about my apparent, “love for cruises”, this is the best answer I can come up with. My mind is so pressured with all the “what ifs” and “maybes” of day to day life that it needs to relax. And, to date, a cruise is the closest I’ve ever come to complete relaxation.
They put a card under my cabin door every morning telling me all the activities that are planned for the day. My biggest decision is choosing whether to have lobster or steak for dinner. And, to a lesser extent, whether I want the raspberry or strawberry daiquiri.
I've been on one and only one cruise and hated it so much you'd have to put a gun to my head to get me onboard with a cruise again. So, yeah, I've wondered what would possess you to go on these cruises over and over again. It crossed my mind that maybe you didn't know how to go on other type trips, but then I remembered you've been all over Europe, so that ain't it. I've not noticed this being 20 steps ahead and never wrong thing of which you speak. Methinks you need to discover the wonders of a long solo roadtrip. There always comes a time on a long roadtrip where it is like you are hypnotized into being totally in the present moment. Have you considered possibly indulging in adult libations as a way of relaxing yourself out of your tightly wound state of mind?
ReplyDeletePersonally I don't find cruise to be that relaxing (maybe because I don't swim) but to each his own. If you like it, why not? Keep going on them till you get sick and tired of them Gar.
ReplyDeleteI used to enjoy road trips, but for some reason I lost my enjoyment of them. I think because of my trips to Europe. I'd rather be somewhere than drive somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAdult libations do indeed help, but I find it not the healthiest of solutions.
I drive myself crazy being alone for too long.