My Quest for the Perfect Hefeweizen (made in America)

I spent large amounts of time in Germany back in 2002 to 2005 time frame.  One thing I learned while there was that I loved Munich style Hefeweizens.  My favorite was the Franziskaner Hefeweizen.  Their Dunkel is in my top 5 list.  Their Hell may also be in my top 5 list.  At a minimum in my top 10.  Hell means light, Dunkel means dark.  When you order a bier in Deutschland most of the time they will ask, "Hell oder dunkel?" Light or dark?

I'm pulling this from memory, but I believe hefe means yeast and weizen means wheat.  So a hefeweizen is brewed with yeast and wheat.  Yeast is probably the unique ingredient.  They tend to be heavy and although you can drink them out of a bottle, it is highly discouraged.  The yeast settles quickly to the bottom of the bottle.  The first time I got home after being in an extended stay in Munich, I immediately started looking for hefeweizens locally.  The first one I found was from a well known Texas brewery called Shiner.  They had a beer called, imaginatively enough, "Shiner Hefeweizen".  To me, it didn't hold up to any of the ones I had in Munich so I was mostly disappointed.  But, it was still my favorite Texas beer.  The funny thing was they had instructions on the bottle for how to properly pour it and to not drink it out of the bottle.  Trying to save a bad beer experience for one illiterate Texan at a time.

Just last year I tried a sample pack from an American brewery called Flying Dog.  They had a couple of hefeweizens in their variety pack and they became my favorite American hefeweizen.  It was called "In Heat Wheat".  Of course you could never get it on tap.  My favorite American hefeweizen you can get on tap would probably have to be Widmer Hefeweizen (also imaginatively named).

Okay, that was all useless information.  This next section is the real reason for this post.  I hope you manage to weed (I mean read) through the drivel until now.

Last Friday I accidentally went to a Texas Brewery tasting at Las Colinas Beverage.  They had four different breweries in attendance: Rahr & Sons, Franconia, Saint Arnold and Real Ale.  I, of course, immediately started looking for the wheat beers and hoping to get lucky and find a good hefe.

Saint Arnold was supposed to have their Weed Whacker, but they were out.  I was disappointed.  The Franconia guys seems to have a good selection, but their Hefe is nothing to write home about.  I didn't care for Real Ale's selection.

Rahr.  Oh my.  The fantastic awesome wonder and the terrible disappointment all wrapped into one.  They poured me a sample of their "Summertime Wheat".  From the moment the smell hit my nostrils, my mind was taken back to a warm summer day in downtown Munich.  The beer reminded me of my first hefeweizen in Munich.  The taste took me back to sitting out in the Marien Platz during the summer of 2002.  I had finally found an American beer that held up to the Munich style hefeweizen and they were brewing it in Fort Worth, Texas!

After I offered up my heartfelt excitement to the Rahr employee pouring the samples, she looked at me and said, "Well, this is a seasonal brew and this is all there is for this year."  I almost cried.  Why do you torment me so Rahr brewery in Fort Worth?  There's nothing wrong with brewing the Summertime Wheat year round.  Just change the name of the beer.  Call it, "America's Best Hefeweizen".  Call it, "We Mix Wheat and Yeast and Make Bavarian Immigrants Less Homesick".  But, for all that is great and holy in the world, don't call it Summertime Wheat and only make it available May and June.  That's just wrong and sad and unacceptable.

Look Them in the Eyes

I've always had a bit of trouble looking people in the eyes.  I could never win one of those staring contests when I was a kid.

Well recently, I have accidentally stumbled upon a solution.  It's nothing silly like looking at their nose or anything.  If I was to be able to do that it would give me continuous problems in regards to wondering if they could tell I was actually staring at their nose.  And what if they have dangly hairs?  Disgusting.

Also my technique is not always conducive to having a conversation.  It doesn't allow a lot of time for concentrating on what the other party is saying.

What I have come to discover is that I can look someone in the eyes indefinitely if I make up mean and vulgar descriptions of their eyes.  It also helps me remember what color they were if the question should ever come up in the future.  Example:

Your eyes are the color of a cesspool with flecks of feces gently oozing away from that black speck you call a pupil.


As the eye contact is forced to continue, the focus starts going to the flaws: What are those two dots on the right side?  Are they little bits of fermented fecal splash damage?


It creates huge amounts of entertainment.  When you start giggling at your internalized descriptive verbiage and the person with the gruesome eyes asks what you are laughing about just tell them you told yourself a joke and it was funny.  I recommend having a random joke handy.

Jamming in Fort Worth

Tonight, I will be heading to 8.0's in Fort Worth to see Carolyn Wonderland (musician extraordinaire).

Depending on where you look it either starts at 7:00 or 8:00.  I plan to arrive in the downtown area around 6.  Might go to The Flying Saucer for dinner.  I might just have dinner at 8.0's.  They've got an interesting menu.

Best I can surmise, tickets are $5 which is almost a steal.  If you've never heard of Carolyn Wonderland (which I hadn't until last week).  Feel free to watch a video or two.



I hope to see you all there. Come support your Texas artists!

Running With Dru

A trip down memory lane...almost 30 years ago...
Back when I was a wee little tyke around the age of 14, a guy came over to the house.  He had trouble walking.  He was loud.  He was cheerful and energetic.  He had tickets to a rock concert in Odessa.  He invited me and my brother to go with him.  If I remember right, it was Golden Earring and Night Ranger.

Dru didn't walk anywhere.  He had cerebral palsy and his knees didn't exactly work.  It was more of a fearless act of forward momentum without quite falling.  He called it "running".  My memories back then are a little skewed by being young and barely weighing a buck fifteen.

Dru was big and when he got to running I'd often wonder how in the hell he was going to stop.  I quickly found out that's what I was there for.  He'd take off with a cry of "running" in his deep voice and I knew that was my cue to be one step ahead.  I had to stop him before he ran over the big biker dude 20 yards ahead.  Dru was at least twice my size.  I loved those days.  I learned a new appreciation of the 80's rock scene going to concert after concert.

He'd stand near the sound booth on the floor at all the concerts in Ector County Coliseum.  Standing for Dru wasn't exactly easy, but he'd do it.  Every time.  And I didn't mind standing beside him so he could lean on me when he needed to steady himself.

He introduced me to "38 Special" although I had no idea who they were at the time.  I was just a kid sitting inside the KUFO studio waiting for Dru to drive me to the next concert when suddenly he's introducing me to all these long haired guys wearing sunglasses.

His car was rigged so that he could do all driving with his hands.  The acceleration and breaking were both done by some mechanism on the left that looked like a steel pipe coming out the side of the steering wheel.  That was fun too.

When he had access to extra albums, he'd always offer me a copy (after my brother turned it down).  I don't know if I'd have near the appreciation for music that I do now had it not been for Dru.  He took me to see Dio's Sacred Heart Tour.  He took me to Blue Oyster Cult's comeback tour.  Sometimes my brother was there, sometimes not, but most (if not all) the time, I was invited to tag along.

I lost contact with him when I went to college.  I don't really know what happened.  My brother and I still talk about him occasionally and wonder what he's up to.  If he's still "running".

On Thursday, June 23rd, 2011, Dru passed away.  It makes me sad.  I'd like to hear the ominous rumbling yell of "running" coming up behind me one more time.

The Creepiness of No Child Left Behind

This is a topic near and dear to my heart.  I blogged about it once before and it was hijacked by ignorance.  I'm going to try again because it's in the news again.

When I was younger I'd get mad when people (mostly my family) called me lazy.  It would irritate me so much that it would almost bring tears to my eyes.  It didn't encourage me to go mow the yard, but it sure infuriated me.

When I was about 18, I woke up one morning, realized that I was lazy and I've been happier ever since.  To combat a problem, you have to own it.  The problem with the No Child Left Behind policy is that all people are not created equal.  Even the religious zealots need to own it.  Of course, the original quote is taken out of context, but it doesn't preclude people who are historically ignorant from using it out of context all the time anyway.  I'll be coming back to the history problem. I didn't start learning history until I was in my 30's.  Football coaches worried about winning Friday night's game just don't make good history teachers.


You can probably break down school kids into four broad categories: You've got the people who want to learn, but lack the ability to learn quickly.  You've got the people who don't want to learn, but can if given proper motivation.  You've got the people who don't want to learn and lack the ability to learn quickly.  Then you've got the people who excel at learning and have an undying thirst for knowledge.

I'd wager that a policy like No Child Left Behind is going to be an anchor to about 25% of the students.  We can't lump all kids into one training pool and say swim.  Some will drown.  Some will learn to swim quickly, but we'll have to force them to wear flotation devices so that they don't surpass the ones who are drowning.  It's not fair to any of the kids to do this.  Especially the ones who drown.

Recently, this article was published: US History Test Stumps Students.  You can go here and take a sample history test to see how you do.  The report says only 13% of graduates in 2010 could pass the test.  I think the sample gives you 5 questions (you have to pick a grade level).  I got bored with it after I missed the 3rd one.  I mean, I answered the first two correctly and then the third answer I missed, but at that point I was bored with reading the questions.

The article hypothesizes that the No Child Left Behind policy forces schools to be so dedicated on the core disciplines (so that schools can continue to receive government funding) that they gloss over things like history.  It sounds like a good theory.

I still maintain that you can't throw all kids into one class and expect some ubiquitous policy like "No Child Left Behind" to actually help anyone.  Maybe the intentions were good, but there's no way it's going to work because we're all very different.

I think the best way to fix the education system is to implant a device into all Americans under the age of 18 which prevents them from spawning offspring.  When they pass the parenting test, the implant is removed.  Part of the parenting test will be determining their dedication for teaching their young and not relying on the government to do it for them.

Jen's Blog

I've added Jen's Lyric Waltz back to my blogs there in the right column.  You might enjoy it.  She tends to write about art and literature which is not normally my cup of tea, but it is always interesting reading what people who don't live in America are doing.  If you need to turn off the music, it's a player at the bottom of the screen with a pause button, but you might give it a listen instead.

I put her on my blog roll once before and then she disappeared for a year without a trace.  She claims she was working or studying or something.  I suspect some kind of imprisonment for illegal activity, but that's just because I've got a wicked imagination and I don't really know Jen.  I don't even think it's her real name.

Don't get this Jen confused with guest blogger Jen.  They are two very different people.  At least I think they are.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I'm about to remove "there's sand in my latte" so bookmark it now if you want to go back to it.  According to Natalie's last post, it's her last post so no sense in checking here for updates.  She may go on to blog about something else and if she does, I'll be sure and let you know.

Thanks for listening.  I mean reading.

Amazon is Purposefully Pushing My Buttons

A while ago I blogged about the fact that someone complained to me that I spend too much time complaining about me.  I hope this doesn't violate any rules.

I've mentioned before that I bought a new laptop.  I actually went to the store and purchased the laptop.

It's a big laptop, but, in general, the purpose of a laptop is that they are easily transportable.  I like transporting laptops in backpacks so I began looking for a backpack which would hold a 17.3 inch G73SW ASUS laptop.

The first one I tried, I bought because one of the reviewers said, "Even though this backpack says 17, I put my 17.3 laptop in there with room to spare!"  I thought, "Excellent!  This will do fine!"

So, I ordered it and it didn't.  I had to call the folks that sent it to me and see about getting a refund or exchange.  They wouldn't exchange it so I was forced to get a refund.  A $75 backpack costs $12 to ship back.  It was turning into an expensive task.  For the curious, I ordered the backpack from DataVision, but via Amazon.  I still haven't actually received my refund.  They said it may take 10 days so that they can maximize the profits via interest rates on my money.

Anyway, I decided to be more specific and look for a backpack where someone actually claims that the G73SW (specifically) would fit in the darn thing.  And I found it.  At Amazon.  So, I ordered it.  This one was a bit cheaper and one of the reviewers actually wrote, "It's like this backpack was made for my G73SW!"  I figured I couldn't go wrong.

Four days after I ordered it, Amazon finally shipped it from Mesquite.  For those of you who don't know where Mesquite is, it's in East Dallas.  I live in Northwest Dallas.  I was already irritated because I had basically waited 5 days for a bag that could have shipped on day one from a site that was within 40 miles.

I ordered on June 8th.  On June 14th, I get a "post-it" from UPS saying that the sender shipped an empty box so they had refused it on my behalf.  UPS has never done me wrong so I tend to trust them.  Of course, I supposed someone could have crushed the box and the backpack could have slipped out.  Or someone at UPS was in need of just such a pack and took it.

Next day I get an email from Amazon saying they would like to "apologize on behalf of UPS for damaging my package during transit".  No indication of what would happen next.  Just an apology.  It's like, "We know you just spent $60 on a bag, but we're claiming UPS lost it and we are offering our condolences on their behalf, but you are shit out of luck."

Of course, this completely overloaded my low dose of blood pressure medication so I fired off an email calling people stupid and moronic and various other expletives without actually cussing.  I wanted to make sure it got past all the email filters.

I checked my order status periodically during the day, thinking to myself that Amazon would do the right thing and ship me a replacement overnight.  They didn't.  Eventually, the status of the order was updated to indicate that "the customer refused the order and the purchase amount was refunded."  So, I got pissed off again and called their 800 number.

I friendly man answered the phone and was immediately sympathetic to my plight (he probably had access to the email I wrote earlier predicting he'd be a moron).  He said he couldn't just ship me the order since the money had already been "refunded", but I could order it again and he'd insure that I could get upgraded shipping for free.  "Very good," I say, "Thanks for your help."  I ordered the backpack again with upgraded shipping.

This all happened two days ago and Amazon still has not shipped the backpack.  I got upgraded shipping but it apparently still takes them a week to not put the backpack into a box.  Oh, and I got an email today indicating that my "order that I refused had been refunded, but it'd take up to 10 days to credit my account while they maximize interest rate profits off of their mistake".

I've always been 90% satisfied with Amazon.  But this is causing me to rethink my ways.  Now I want to return my kindle and buy a nook instead.  Damn Amazonians.