The English Language

One of my lovely children the other day was complaining about the English language.  I think she may have asked how I was feeling and I said, "With my hands."  Then she said, "I hate the English language!"

It was probably more in depth than that, but my mind is drawing a blank at the moment.  Is that like getting a blank from the well after throwing the water bucket down or trying to etch what you are thinking on a piece of paper and coming up with nothing?  Which analogy is it?

If the English language were to change to have definite pronunciations and meanings for all the words, we'd lose an entire industry of comedy.

I was watching an Eddy Murphy movie in Germany once.  It was one that I had already watched in the USA so I kind of knew the dialogue and the funny parts.  My favorite part in the English version is when he's walking up to the big doors of the house, looks at his wife and says, "Look at those knockers."  Watching it in German, in Germany, with a bunch of Germans and no one even snickered (except me).

My favorite Three Stooges skit is when they are about to be executed, but decide they have to eat something first so they can digest (die just) right.

What lead down this path of fun is after 40 some odd years, I've just discovered that I've been pronouncing groin wrong all my life.  I just recently thought I pulled my groin, but have now decided it's a nasty bursitis in my hip.

I've been telling everyone I've met that I pulled my groin.  Often this happens after they look at me questioningly during one of my shuffling episodes.  After I tell them I've pulled my groin, they laugh at me.  "What's so funny?" I query, "My groin really hurts!"

Then, they have to tell me, "It's pronounced gro een, not gro in."  Then I have to argue, but it gets nowhere because people come out of the woodwork to laugh at me.  I still can't pronounce it right.  I can't pronounce it left either.  Because it's still there.

Today, I finally went to dictionary.com to hear the correct pronunciation.  As you all know everything you learn on the Internet is gospel.  I'm still recovering from the truth.  You should hear me say bursitis.