Thursday, December 27, 2012

Silence

I don't watch the news. I avoid it like the plague. Someone told me about the "shootings in Connecticut" at a bar during happy hour on December 14th.

Since then, I've been unable to blog. I don't talk about it. It sickens me how much time the media has spent making revenue from it. It infuriates me that the NRA feels they have the right to say anything at all.

I don't care which side of the fence you are on concerning gun control. Just keep your mouth shut. It's too late.

Nothing you say is going to give that 6 year old his right to free speech. Nothing you say is going to give that 8 year old her right to bear arms. Nothing. Just, be quiet. Peace.

Friday, December 14, 2012

I See Red

I haven't done a musically motivated posting in a while.

Therefore, in order to break up the monotony of talking about my day to day activities and how they are impacted by the weather, I bring you this special treat.

I'll call it my inexplicable attraction to redheads and good music.

Without doing too much research, I can think of Bonnie Raitt and Reba McEntire.

Recently, via Pandora, I've discovered a group called Escala who has a violin player named Victoria Lyon.

Then, this morning, via Pandora, Beth Hart came on one of my stations. She's my new favorite. Make sure and listen. She's awesome :)

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Reminiscing Blisters

Yesterday had me bowling and reminiscing. Or maybe I was bowling yesterday and reminiscing today? I can't seem to remember.

Here's what I learned: don't bowl in a button down long sleeve shirt with the cuffs buttoned.

Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. I creates pit cloth burns. I'm almost blistered. Even typing is uncomfortable. I'd take pictures, but then you'd see my right moob and no one wants to see that.

The reminiscing is more fun! It's Durango's fault. He reminded me of my old hangout in Euless called Gators. About a decade a go there were some weeks where I'd spend 5 nights at Gators. They had some good party bands Thursday thru Saturday, free pool on Sunday, karaoke on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I have countless stories that took place at Gators. A few years ago they closed the place down. It wasn't long after that, they bulldozed it. I still get a tear when I drive by it's resting place at Westpark Way and 183.

At one point I thought about opening a new bar in its location and calling it, "White Trash is Back". But, it was just an idea.

Many of my epic social failures start out with, "Remember that one time, at Gators?"

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Socially Awkard and Proud Of it!

On my best days, I am socially awkward. The last four days have found me in situations where I am forced to be social and I must say, being forced to be social scares the hell out of me.

I wrote, briefly, about my mishap on Saturday. Basically, someone backed into my car which was parked in the street. No note was left. It looked like someone just hit it and took off. I called the police (social situation number one).

He came out and basically said that someone from across the street had backed out of that driveway and hit my car (I already knew this). If I filed a police report, I was basically filing charges against my neighbor across the street.

In my private hell of avoiding social situations, I've never spoken to my neighbor across the street. I wave at him when we happen to be outside at the same time, but I've never said a word. I've lived 20 yards away from him for 5 years and never spoken a single word. I take that back. One time, about 4 years ago, he asked if I had gotten my mail yet. I think I said, "Huh?"

Luckily, my next door neighbor is very talkative. I enjoy talking to her for about 30 seconds, but she can talk much longer than that. She managed to handle the across the street neighbor crisis for me. As in, she talked to him while I was at the bar consuming liquid courage.

She called me (whilst at the bar) and informed me that he had guests the previous night and he called his girlfriend and discovered she was at fault, but didn't realize she'd backed into it. "But, she's good for it,"  she said he said.

Later that night, across the street neighbor comes over with insurance information and an apology. The minute I opened the door I was scrambling for how to handle the situation. Do you invite him in? Do you write down the information? Do you have him send it to you via email or text message? Do you apologize for never talking to him in 5 years? I'm a complete neurotic, antisocial mess. And I talk about myself too much.

Monday, I called State Farm, but they said they couldn't do anything until they talked to across the street neighbor's girlfriend. Let's call her ATSNGF. Not really.

Tuesday, I called State Farm again and they said, "We left a message and we sent an email, but have not heard anything yet."

Tuesday night, I had to gear up for social situation from hell part deux (is that a cliche?). Basically, I needed to talk to ATSNGF or get ATSN to call his GF and make sure she was going to file the claim with her insurance because I can't move the car until it's been done. I love acronyms.

After more liquid courage, I sent him a text message. I was polite as I could possibly be, which is easier via text message because I can think about it. Get me on the phone and all kinds of socially unacceptable crap spews forth with alarming and unfiltered clarity.

In the midst of sending this text message I get an email from my boss at work basically telling me that instead of fixing other people's problems, I need to talk to other people and tell them what they've done wrong and ask them to fix it. This is completely logical, but it causes some kind of cold ball of inexplicable nausea to well up inside me.

I'm always afraid they're going to get mad at me. And I can't drink at work. Although one time I did drink two cans of Red Bull and then yelled at someone on a conference call. I quit drinking energy drinks at work after that.

As of today, I've got an appointment to get my car paid for and I've explained to one of my colleagues what they've done wrong and asked them to fix it. At some point, I told my ATSN to let me know when ATSNGF comes to visit and we could go out for drinks (just so there's not hard feelings).

I figure if I do this enough, my social awkwardness will eventually go away. It's already better than it used to be. Now, how was your day?


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Illiterate Cliches, Medical Doctors, and Cold Weather

Yesterday, I blogged about Durango the Magnificent and how I needed to learn by example and follow closely in his footsteps.

Yesterday, Durango, who apparently still muddles through my blog, had some friendly advice hidden behind a petty demeanor. You can read it here.

He is a bit verbose, but, in summary, I apparently don't have enough original content except of the sexually explicit variety.

Durango blogs about the weather and how it impacts his life. He just does it without using cliches.

Therefore, I am doubling my efforts to perhaps churn out half as much as Durango the Magnificent.

A while ago Durango and I had such huge misunderstandings on regular occasions that there was often talk of bringing in a professional mediator. I miss those days.

But, back to telling you what I did yesterday when it was blustery and cold. I spent most of the day at the Doctor's office.

My hip doctor said I was better than new and recommended I only call him if I have problems.

My hand surgeon recommended something called Xiaflex. Apparently, there is lots of paperwork involved with obtaining the prescription because it's a new drug and it's expensive. They have to shoot it into my hands where it will eat through the cords and allow me to straighten my hands out again. It sounds painful and it's not a cure. Apparently, I've never had a disease that can be cured.

My new itinerary will be: hand surgeon for the Dupuytren's Contracture, periodontist for the Periodontal Disease, and Endocrinologist for the Diabetes. Ain't no problem I ain't got, but at least I don't complain. Oops, that was a cliche. Or maybe not. It's possible I don't know what cliches are.

Durango said I was naturally aggravating. Instead of trolling, I should just be myself and it would work better.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Thur Thru Sun

I've grown tired of trolling.

I've decided to take a page out of Durango's book and just blog about my day to day activities and how they are impacted by the weather. His blog is much more popular than mine so I suspect this will be an epic failure, but I enjoy epic failures.

My goal, when I wake up in the morning is to solve one problem per day. Occasionally I have really good days and solve more than one problem. I don't blog about work though and that's where the majority of my problem solving skills are used. You see my dilemma. How can I blog about day to day activities, when I spend 8+ hours per day at work and I refuse to blog about work?

Last time I blogged was on Wednesday, December 5.

On Thursday, I went to a Christmas dinner hosted by the place where my gal pal works. The place I work has not had a Christmas dinner in about 10 years. This tells me that all the complaining about the economy depends a lot about where you work. It's a bit frustrating actually. The weather on Thursday was nice.

On Friday, I went bowling at the Plano Superbowl. I've forgotten how to bowl since my hip surgery. However, in my asperger's induced neurotic stubborn streak of taking no blame for myself, I'm blaming it on our new bowling teammate who is trying to help me bowl. He seems like he knows what he's talking about, but I think he's lead me astray. I must get back to my roots.

I also helped someone with their grammatical problems on Friday. I can't tell if it was kindly accepted or not. It was one of those who/that problems that I used to have before Durango the Magnificent straightened me out. It's, "he who solves problems every day", not, "he that solves problems every day". Friday was also a good weather day.

Saturday was the day to begin my Miata restoration project. We had a mishap. The police were called. I finally met my neighbor from across the street. He was nice and so was the weather.

Sunday was the day to begin repairing the hot tub (again). I had to call State Farm about Saturday's mishap. I watched the Cowboys win (miraculously). I procrastinated too long on the hot tub and it became cold and dark. The weather was overcast and became continually colder throughout the day.


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Preemptive Bologna

Since my last round of trolling activity produced no anger, I've decided to try again.

I think I mentioned in the last post that I'm not fond of handguns. I believe this way because good people have really bad days and handguns make it easy for them to make a bad day even worse. True, I'm not fond of knives in that regard either, but my karate instructor taught me how to disarm someone with a knife. If memory serves, his instructions for handling a gun situation were to run.

Having preambled with all of that, how do I handle it when my religious neighbors start stockpiling guns? I've already said I'm not fond of it. They've broken no laws. I just happen to know they are zealots so I try to avoid them. They could be Christian or they could be Muslim. I don't know. I just know they are very religious and it makes me nervous that they have guns.

I should mention this is all hypothetical in an attempt to make a point. I don't even know my neighbors. Well, except that nice teacher lady next door.

It would be perfectly legal for me to go buy a rifle so I can protect myself against any aggression they may make upon my abode. I believe I could go talk to them and try and figure out how much danger I was really in. I could let them know that when their "prophesied apocalypse" is happening, I will not be taking part and I will be shooting at anyone who attempts to hurt me or mine.

There are lots of things I could legally do. What can I not legally do? Well, I can not break into their house and steal their guns. I can not do a preemptive strike and kill them all before their prophesied apocalypse. Both of these would be considered criminal activities.

It's kind of odd to me that this is what we are threatening to do against Iran. Romney (thank god he didn't get elected) even said that if Israel decided to take out Iran, the USA would back them. Huh? You just can't do things like that. Who said USA was allowed to dictate which countries are allowed to develop nuclear power?

The Iraq invasion was even worse. I'm all for defending ourselves, but when defense turns into taking out our neighbors (yes, it's a small world) because of some predicted danger, you have to draw the line.

You can't go around killing people because they worry you.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Whiminally Insane

In an attempt to get all the political posts to scroll off the bottom of my blog, I've decided to write opinions about even more volatile headlines using an abundance of ignorance.

I lock my doors. I've been told, on more than one occasion, by more than one semi-educated person, that this is a waste of time. If a criminal comes by and wants your car or wants your stereo or wants to break into your house and take your television, they'll do it. I agree with this.

I lock my doors for the normally law abiding folks who are having a bad day. I don't want someone who's down on his luck being tempted by something I did. An unlocked car door with a purse laying in the seat is tempting to even the best of us. A locked door deters the whiminal. This is my new abspewtulation for someone who commits a criminal offense on a whim. He's a whiminal.

In light of the recent headline news about the Kansas City Chiefs player who shot his girlfriend and killed himself, I tend to think along the same lines. When the government talks about banning handguns, the immediate reaction is, "Wonderful. Only the criminals will be armed." This is largely true. However, it would be good to disarm the whiminals. But, how do you know who's going to be a whiminal and who's not?  I believe we're all capable of being whiminals.

I don't own a gun. When I'm around people who do own guns, I'm uncomfortable. It's not because I don't trust them. It's because I don't trust anyone. I believe everyone is capable of becoming a whiminal. You never know when someone is going to have a really bad day and that really bad day is going to make them more upset, angry or depressed than they've ever been in their lives and they're going to snap.

It's at that point, I'd rather they didn't own a gun. It's too easy to make a life ending mistake on an emotionally charged whim.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Required Insulin Pump Infusion Set Review

I finally received my Tandem t:slim insulin pump. I am mostly happy with it. As with all things, the more you like something, the more you can find to complain about. Just ask my gal pal!

I love the rechargeable battery. Which is interesting because the rechargeable battery was also the part I was most concerned about. Who wants to worry about charging a battery on a device that's physically attached 24/7? Well, when I take a shower, I remove the pump and charge it. A 15 minute charge once every couple of days will keep it at 100%. Even after 2 days of use without charging it's never gone below 90% battery. The rep told me it would easily last a week on a full charge.

One of the big "advertising" points of this pump is minimizing the number of actions required to give yourself a bolus of insulin. Well, in some ways they did. I can type 6.5 on the touch screen to select 6.5 units of insulin (3 actions). This is way better then hitting the up arrow 13 times on my old pump. But, then for some reason I can't quite fathom, I am forced to "agree" to at least 2 different menus (it's like agreeing to not have an accident when using a car's GPS). If I decide I don't want to give myself the insulin all at once, but over the course of an hour or two, I think I'm forced to agree to a couple of more menus. It's quite irritating. I wonder how many people read the stupid warnings every time. Get rid of them. Or give me a nice little warning option and allow me to permanently disable them.

During the purchasing of my new pump, I also shopped around for infusion sets. Infusion sets are little devices with tubing which connect the pump to your body. It usually has a little flexible cannula that allows the insulin to be subcutaneously delivered. Here's a review of the one's I've tried:

Inset from Animas: I've actually been using this one for about 5 years. If something that you use to poke holes in yourself can be chosen as a favorite, this one is it. I switch them out every 3 days and I've never had a mishap or attached one that didn't work. They do all the work for you. It's an all-in-one insertion device. Just throw a few in your bag and you're out the door for a 7 day cruise!

Spring: They sent me two boxes to try. I've decided they sent me two boxes because they know they'll never sell them all. The introductory needle is even more automatic than the Inset. I really like the way they do the injection. It's completely awesome. It's a little spring loaded device that quickly pops the needle in and out in one quick motion, but leaving the little flexible cannula behind.

But, then they decided to get fancy and make the part that attaches rotatable and put in some kind of little spring thing which detects when the base comes unattached from the skin. Why? I don't know. Perhaps to completely ruin an otherwise perfect design. Perhaps because they're from Israel and are striving to make my life complicated?

It makes the base too big and it seems to snag on everything. The rotating connector has a bad habit of either not connecting correctly or falling apart. I had one that looked like it picked up part of the plastic from the device and permanently sealed off the needle end of the tubing. In one box, I had two go bad. Not nearly as good as my experience with the Inset.
Orbit: I originally clicked on one of these because they appeared as an ad on my blog before Google closed down my ads. I'm not sure how that works when I sign an agreement not to click on my own ads, but I couldn't get the ad to appear anywhere else.

The ad said, "So comfortable, even kids like it" or something like that. I'm paraphrasing quite a bit because I can't find the original ad.

It's pretty neat. The first oddity was it required manual insertion which seemed completely opposite of what a kid would like. They only sent me two to test with and I must admit, I'd be more apt to buy more of these than I would to buy the Springs.

Where the Spring set advertises 360 degree rotation, it rotates by pushing in on the side and it feels kind of like shifting gears. The Orbit freely rotates 360 degrees. It's a little disconcerting because it seems like the tubing would just kind of pop off, but it never did for me.

It's profile was a little too tall for me. I'm fond of very low profile infusion sets. The base was small, but tall enough to irritate me. I don't think I'll order any of them. This, of course, brings me to my THINSet.

THINSet: This is also known, by Tandem, as the t:set. I got this one because it boasted a low profile. It may have even said the lowest profile.

Infusion sets contain a cap that closes off the site when you take a bath or go swimming. I hate keeping up with these things. They are small and easily lost and often forgotten. I think, most of the time, the base is self sealing to some extent, but I don't know if I'd want to test bacteria in a hot tub or pool for too long.

The THINSet base has a clever little plastic slide you can slide over the opening when you disconnect the tubing. The THINSet was also as thin as they claimed.

The only complaint I have against the THINSet is if you want to have an automatic insertion, you have to buy a separate device. It's called the Quick-Serter from Medtronic and I've heard reports that it doesn't work very well with the THINSet. The first time I tried to manually insert one of these little guys I failed. Pump started complaining about occlusions and blood sugar went up. Ended up costing me $100 because I was out of pocket when it happened and had to drive to Walgreen's for a syringe and insulin. Second try was more successful.

Next week I'm going to try the Cleo simply because I received a box of free trials. It appears to have an insertion technique similar to the Spring so that will be a plus. Then, I just have to judge the profile, size and reliability.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Jet Lag Prevention Wear

Supposedly, they also help with people who are having trouble sleeping, people with the no sunshine blues (more commonly referred to as SAD), people who work strange shifts (like the graveyard shift), but I am more interested in these $280 glasses for their supposed jet lag relief.

Usually I dose myself with melatonin and Benadryl when I board a jet heading for the other side of the pond, but now, apparently, I can just wear these fancy glasses that claim to be backed by 25 years of study. After 25 years of research, they've developed 4 little green lights to shine into your eye holes.

The company is called Re-Timer and they are out of Australia. Since my most frequent flight is from Dallas to Frankfurt, I put it into their "scheduling program" to see exactly how often I'd have to wear the glasses.

I was a bit alarmed that I'd have to get up at 5:30 the day of the flight. If I got up at 5:30 without the glasses I'd be passed out before boarding the plane which usually departs around 3 PM. Just to give you some idea, the flight from Dallas to Frankfurt is about a 9 hour flight. You typically leave around 3 PM and arrive in Frankfurt at about 7 AM. You travel for 9 hours and the clock goes forward by 16 hours. Anyway, here's the results from their Jet Lag Calculator:

I've decided I'm going to wait for someone else to spend the money and let me know how it goes.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Cheerleaders!

I've seriously only gotten 5 people to sign my petition to force politicians to hand-write all their bills. I thought for sure I'd have several hundred thousand by now.

If you haven't signed my petition, you can now, by going here: PETITION. I mean, it's been 3 whole days. It only takes a couple of minutes and you'll even get an email from The White House!

I've never been very good at getting people to join my bandwagon. I suspect it's because of my various and multiple personality disorders. Not to be confused with a multiple personality disorder which I do not have. At least, I don't think I have one. And Fred agrees most of the time.
I would never make it as a marketer. It's just not in me. Therefore, I'm going to post a picture of the Dallas Maverick Dancers in their new uniforms. Apparently, they are catching hell about these new uniforms. Some folks have even gone so far as to say they look naked in their new uniforms.

Now, I'm not one to judge, but seriously? Have these people ever seen a naked woman before? It's not even close. I fail to see the problem. This could also be because I'm a guy.

To entertain myself while ogling the pictures, I tried to make up degrading remarks about the dancers so I could put it in my blog. If you go to their website and move your little pointer around, their names pop up. I'll let you open that up in a new tab now so you can see who I'm talking about. Right Click here and select "Open in a new tab". It's unfortunate that this link will probably not last forever. Ctrl-tab is a quick way to switch between browser tabs.

My favorite is Nazlie. She's got a cool name and she has that, "I know something you don't know" look. It's awesome.

Of course, while looking at Nazlie, you can't help but be distracted by Paula. I suspect that Paula's primary goal in life is to be distracting. If I looked like that I'd be distracting too. "When life gives you dyslexic Melons". You make milk? Melonade didn't make sense.

And if you want something more distracting than Paula, look at her Sequel! I can't really go anywhere else with that. Her name is Sequel, she comes after Paula and she was cursed with pesky melons as well.

In hindsight, this would be more fun if I had tagged everyone, but then the tags would have covered up the important bits.

It's obvious Chantel is not her real name. I'd now like to go to a Mavericks game so I can give her a $20 and try to figure out her real name.

Was it the photograph or are Paige's teeth too big for her mouth? I wouldn't have even noticed it except I found myself asking Fred, "Why are you even looking at her teeth?"

I'm only joking, of course. The Mavericks Dancers are beautiful and there's nothing wrong with their costumes. Give them a break!

Now, go sign my petition!

How was that for marketing genius? I probably owe someone money.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

We The Hoppy People!

Today, to entertain myself whilst debugging various programs, I started researching this "We The People" website because of all the states petitioning to secede.  Texas, oddly enough, has approximately double the number of petition signers as any other state. I'm not ready to move yet so I hope that if the morons actually go through with it, I'll have time to absquatulate.

While looking through the various petitions, I found one that got me excited. Barack Obama is the first President ever to brew his own beer in the White House. The petition was to get the recipe for the White House Honey Ale, which can now be found (along with the Porter) at the link above. It should come as no shock to you that I'm a beer fan. Obama gets a +1 from me! I used to joke that if I were invited out with Bill Clinton or George W. Bush, I'd pick Bill in a heartbeat. He just seems more fun. I mean he got a hummer in the Oval Office! That's just awesome!

I never gave Barack Obama much of a chance until now. I love drinking beer with folks who know their stuff.



 I created my first petition! Click here to sign it!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Neurotic Post

Sometimes I feel it necessary to write a post about nothing simply because the "headline post" or the one that appears at the top of the page is outdated.

Last week during the explosion of angry Republicans, I had lots to blog about, but decided to refrain in my magnanimous attempt to not stir the kettle of crazy.

I'll just summarize here: I was "unfriended" on Facebook by some Republicans who mistook me for an Obama supporter. I saw a respected Libertarian post something so vile and repulsive that it caused me to change political parties. I'm now a Democrat with intentions to bring small, efficient government views to a liberal organization. We can be liberal without breaking the bank. I've been doing it for a few decades now!

Before Democrat haters start in on me, I would rather be independent, but as I get older I realize independence is a pretty powerless political stance. If I can get the Democrats to believe me, I think I can create an efficient organization that doesn't believe in blaming our apparent lack of religion on everything. Or at least aim them in that direction. Democrats are more apt to discuss ideas rather than beliefs. You can't argue beliefs. Trust me, I've tried.

This change in stance and in Facebook friends was brought about, in some small part, by my favorite quote of the circus. Basically, taking an old Thomas Jefferson quote and altering it to correspond with the utter lack of intelligence that was being splattered across my innocent Facebook wall time and time again. Here it is now; edited to protect the innocent.

"I have never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friendship." But stupidity will make me drop you like a hot potato.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Don't Forget to Vote (for my last political post)

If you are legally able to vote and you don't vote then something is very very wrong with you. Lots of good people risked their lives and died to give you the opportunity to vote.

My prediction: 316 to 222, Obama wins. And the Libertarians get their 5% so that in 2016 we have more choices. I have 100 different varieties of toilet paper to choose from, but only 2 for President... Strange.

I'm also amused at the archaic way we do voting. I need to do some research on federal regulations concerning voting. Or are there any? It seems that each state is completely different than the next.

I know I have friends in Washington who always vote by mail. In Texas, to vote by mail you have to be absent. As in, there must be factors forcing you to vote by mail. It's not a choice.

In the aftermath of hurricane Sandy, New Jersey, I believe, has allowed voters to vote via email. I'm not real sure how this fixes anything because it implies electricity at the houses, but not at the voting locations?

There's a huge outcry over the possibility of voter fraud, but since everyone and their dog knows that New Jersey is going to go to Obama, I'm not sure it matters too much. Why are people so uptight about Internet voting? Or do they think the hackers are able to predict the weather better than the voting places and were able to write preemptive software to hack the votes?

While we are asking questions, why do we still use the Electoral College? I can kind of see the need for it back in the days before the Information Age, but now, it's just an antiquated ritual that seems to lessen the impact of an individual's vote. Well, unless you happen to live in a battleground state (like Florida).

Also, I'd like to get some kind of feedback that my vote was counted correctly. When I deposit money in my checking account, I can easily login to the bank and verify that my bank agrees with my deposit. I have no such luxury with my vote. Once my vote is cast, it goes into some deep dark abyss never to be seen again. I would like to be able to login and see that my vote was counted correctly.

My top 4 list for ways the Federal Government can improve:
  1. Give each registered voter a unique login to vote on issues and candidate including a way to login and see their voting history via the Internet.
  2. All new bills must be hand written, with a quill and ink jar, by the Senator or Representative presenting the bill.
  3. All new bills must be voted on by the voters of the USA and require greater than 50% to pass. If you didn't vote in the last election, you can't vote on the bills.
  4. Presidential terms shall be 6 years with a two term limit and after the first year a probationary vote shall be performed to give the voters of the USA a chance to remove him from office because he looked better on paper.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Expert Voting Advice

This is my next to last political rant and it's not really a rant so much as an educational experience guaranteed to titillate the senses. Before I start, know that I've already voted and I followed the following guidelines.

First study this map from the latest opinion polls:
Now, for your voting instructions:

The red states are 100% Romney. There's no question in anyone's mind. Therefore, if you live in a red state, your vote is wasted by voting for Romney or Obama. However, if you vote for Gary Johnson, you'll be voting to get a 3rd choice in the 2016 Presidential Elections and Debates!

The dark blue states are 100% Obama. There's no question in anyone's mind. Therefore, if you live in a dark blue state, your vote is wasted by voting for Romney or Obama. However, if you vote for Gary Johnson, you'll be voting to get a 3rd choice in the 2016 Presidential Elections and Debates!

If you live in a light blue state or yellowish colored state, I suggest you vote your heart. If it were me, I'd vote for Obama because I dislike Romney quite a bit.

Whatever you do remember this! Variety is the spice of life and in 2016 you could be watching 3 candidates debate! That's like a 50% increase in variety or something like that!

PS: People from Oklahoma are screwed. Apparently your government thinks you are so stupid you can't handle more than A/B answers on your multiple choice ballot. Sorry about that. These instructions should not concern you.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Cruise to Belize

As many of you are aware, I take too many cruises. The last one was forced upon me by my age and medical conditions. After my hip surgery, it was the only vacation I could think of where I'd fit right in with my walker.

Our first stop was Cozumel where I flirted with my favorite shot girl. She took pity on me. I have a stack of tequila shooters at home.
The other girl may or may not be my gal pal. I must protect the innocent. You can decide which one is which.

Our second stop was Belize. The ship stops way outside of Belize and you have to take boats to the dock. It's about a 30 minute boat ride. The dock it takes you to is actually fenced off complete with razor wire in places. They don't try very hard to make it look like a hospitable place.

I made the best of it.

The Belikin beer is awesome. I was particularly fond of the Belikin stout. But, after having a few beers, I was encouraged to caffeinate myself with a Diet Coke (or Cola Light). This is where the fun began. We went to a beach front bar where the bartender proceeded to top my 16 oz coke bottle off with Belikin Rum. I don't remember anything after that, but apparently, I made a friend on the boat ride back to the ship.



In case you were curious, I was telling him how I'm going to run for President of the USA in 2016 after Gary Johnson gets 5% of the vote, thus opening the brains of Americans to handle more than 2 equally crappy choices. He was inspired.

It's also possible I was telling him about the little ink blot who was sad because his mom was stuck in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence was going to be.

I'm not really sure.

The last stop was Mahogany Bay, Roatan, Honduras. It was a very pretty place. I may have enjoyed it more if I hadn't been recovering from Belize. It was the only stop where a beach was readily available after debarking the ship. I wish I had known ahead of time, I would have worn my bathing suit and taken my snorkel. We weren't there for long. I got a cool picture out of it though. At least I thought it was cool...
Our last stop was actually supposed to be Cayman Islands, but Mother Nature stepped in as a hurricane named Sandy and cancelled that part of our trip. She was actually gone from the area the day before we arrived, but the swells were still too large for safe tendering.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Wasting Time With Sandy

I have this habit of trying to find unique ways of looking at things. This week's foray found me following Sandy via the Wunderground.

If you look at the Wundermaps on Wunderground, it has a neat little configurable display. One of the options is to look at webcams. It puts a little webcam snippet close to the location where the camera is located.

There are lots of webcams so you have to zoom in pretty close to find exactly what you are looking for and even then it's a bit of a crap shoot.

Yesterday I found a webcam in Ocean City, New Jersey (on the beach) and I set it to update on my desktop. It was updating pretty regularly (about every 6 minutes) until 17 hours ago (about 6 PM EST) or when Sandy rolled onto shore.

I took some snapshots from the webcam for your pleasure. The first picture is from Friday when Sandy was just a sinister prophecy. The second picture is the final picture the webcam displayed 17 hours ago before some kind of horrific event took the webcam or perhaps its Internet connection out of commission.




Thursday, October 18, 2012

Three in a Row!

And that's all I've got. I promise you I will not blog tomorrow.

Maybe not. I May be inclined to write something tomorrow.

However, on Saturday, I'm flying to Miami then taking a big boat to Cozumel, Belize, Honduras and Cayman. I will not be blogging next week.

Thus, the three in a row. I'm trying to make everyone tired of too much of a good thing.

Today's meandering thoughts have been about my insulin pump and my hip surgery.

It's been 6 weeks and 6 days since my hip surgery. My hip is officially a little better than before the surgery. I have my 7 week follow up tomorrow with the doctor. He told me not to bowl for 10 weeks. I started bowling about 3 weeks ago. Doctors should really learn to tell me why. Don't just say "don't bowl for 10 weeks". Say, "Don't bowl for 10 weeks because if something breaks I don't want to get sued and see my malpractice insurance rates skyrocket."

I ordered a new insulin pump last August. I think I may have blogged about it. Okay, upon reading, I didn't really blog about ordering it, but I did. They've been negotiating with my insurance company ever since.

With my hip surgery and various other mind altering ailments I have become quite the expert at insurance. This year I have met my "maximum out of pocket" expenses. This means that any medical expenses I incur from here on out will be covered at 100%. I have from now until December 31 to get my new insulin pump. I'm thinking I'll also get a continuous blood glucose monitoring system. Those puppies usually run around $800.

I discovered today that because of that horrific thing we call Obamacare, I'll be able to keep my oldest daughter on my insurance plan until she turns 26 (even if she gets married before then). That's kind of awesome. I worry about my kids.

I found out on Monday I'm going to have a granddaughter in March. I wonder if my insurance will cover grand-kids  I'm sure I'll worry about them too.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Pneumatic Mind Snippet

You thought I was joking.

Today, my pneumatic office chair is at the forefront of my meandering thoughts.

The little pneumatic lift has quit working.

For normal folks, this would be instant catastrophe because the chair immediately goes to its lowest position. There is no control.

I put my chair in its lowest position anyway. It helps my circulation by keeping my knees off the seat. How people shorter than me survive, I have no idea.

Anyway, for me, the lift isn't all that important. Except, I've noticed, I miss the bounce. Even with the chair at it's lowest setting you normally get a little pneumatic bounce when you sit down. I miss that little bounce.

It's like a shock absorber for that weary plop into the chair that prepares you for the work day ahead. Now, I have no shock absorber. My weary plop is followed by an immediate tensing from my spine compressing and decompressing. I've had to learn to sit down softly. Once I'm seated, all is good.

Should I complain to my boss that I need a new chair?

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Momentous Informational Blogging!

I really should quit using exclamation marks in my blog titles. It feels a bit like lying. There is no politics in this blog.

Today, I decided instead of writing one great blog per week, I'd write one sad little daily snippet just to summarize my daily brain meanderings.

I also decided that I'd change my mind bright and early tomorrow morning.

Over the weekend I discovered I don't like blogging about personal things. I've tried to write things that are personal and it feels too personal so I refrain. Then, if feels fake. Therefore I've decided to blog about things I know almost nothing about in an attempt to give people an outlet for their nasty comments.

Football

My first attempt will be football. In particular, Tony Romo.

To me, Tony Romo is like Steve Perry. I like Journey. They write good music, but I never bought any of their albums because I can't stand Steve Perry. I think he's whiny. I like the Dallas Cowboys. They have hot cheerleaders, but I'll never go to another game as long as Tony Romo is quarterback. I think he's whiny.

I've heard from educated sources, that it's not Tony's fault. It's the offensive line. I assume this is the same offensive line that allowed their running back to run for over 200 yards on Sunday?

I've also heard it's the receiver's fault. They are running the wrong patterns or some such nonsense. I guess that's why I never was a quarterback. I didn't realize that when your receivers run the wrong patterns, you're supposed to throw the ball to the other team!

I've also heard it's Jason Garrett's fault. He's the head coach (for you NFL ignorant). I have a theory that if Jerry Jones weren't the owner and general manager, Jason Garrett would have fired Tony in 2010 after his winning record with the backup quarterback.

Have you watched A Bug's Life? I'm going to compare football to a cartoon movie about bugs. Ah hell, just watch the video. Princess Atta is Tony Romo. And, "it's always his fault".




Jumping Out of Planes

I've been tempted to skydive lately because of my gal pal and my gal pal's pal. Over the weekend, some Austrian fellow named Felix jumped from a capsule 23 miles high. I watched the video several times and now I've decided jumping out of a plane isn't good enough. I'm going to start training now and when I'm so old the doctor's are amazed I'm still alive I should be in good enough shape to kill myself (I mean jump out of a capsule 23 miles high).

Samsung Galaxy Phones

As my avid array of readers know, I am no fan of Apple. Yeah, they've done their part in advancing technology, but I don't like the way they do business. I've never, in my life, purchased an Apple product. 

Therefore, I love the new Samsung Galaxy S III commercials. These commercials are even more humorous when you consider Apple sued Samsung for some kind of crazy patent infringement. I swear one of these days (perhaps after I jump out of my capsule) I'm going to get a law degree so I can argue these cases. This is like Dodge suing Jaguar because they use an animal as their hood ornament.

My gal pal has one of the outlawed S II's. I don't like it. I prefer my Motorola, but I'm thinking of getting a Samsung just to piss Apple off. One of the reasons I don't like it is because it has no external LED for notifications. My Atrix 2 blinks purple for email and green for texts. I discovered a cool app called NoLED today which is supposed to make up for this shortcoming. Basically allowing you to get some notifications without having to turn the phone on. I wonder who has the patent on that.

I go back to Benjamin Franklin who invented the Franklin Stove without worrying with patents. He said, "That, as we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others, we should be glad of an opportunity to serve others by any invention of ours; and this we should do freely and generously. "

Monday, October 8, 2012

I Side With

I discovered an interesting little website today called I Side With. There were a few questions that really didn't have a correct answer. I discovered when I clicked the "choose another stance" button that it would give me something a little closer to my thoughts.

It confirmed, for me, what I've been blogging all along (if you've followed my 2 or 3 political rants).

It's interesting that I'm equally Democrat and Libertarian, but I side with Gary Johnson much more than I do Barack Obama.

Here are my scores:

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Weekly Update (8 of n)

Last Saturday an earthquake struck the Irving area (near Dallas). There have been many theories (including conspiracy theories) about what caused the earthquake.

After Monday Night's football game, I am fairly certain that my theory was correct.

That's right, the earthquake was caused by Texas Stadium turning over in its grave. The Cowboys have lost home-field advantage because of that monolithic monstrosity we lovingly call Jerry's World.

If you watched the game last night, you may have noticed that Jerry's World seemed louder than usual. That's because the Chicago Bears were in town and their fans apparently have vocal chords. The only times Jerry's World is louder is when the Pittsburgh Steelers are in town. That'll be happening on December 16th.

Jason Witten caught all his passes! My mom always said, "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."

I had no intention of making this post all about football. Well, I did start off talking about earthquakes.

Because my blog has been deemed sexually explicit, I guess it's okay if I mention the new liquor coming out of G-Spirits in Germany.

They apparently have a new line of products where every drop is poured over a female model's naked body before being bottled and sent to you. Their website contains nudity so don't go there if you work for Google Adsense or are easily offended. Yes, I know that was redundant.

Expect to pay around $180 per bottle for this special privilege. If you didn't like reading about it on my blog, here's a link to a news site supposedly written by professionals and not hampered by Google Adsense.

I'm kind of wondering why they didn't also have male models. It seems discriminating against gay men and straight women everywhere.

Here's a sample description (pictures removed) from G-Spirit's Website. It made me thirsty:
G.Rum No.1
 
The G.Rum No.1 is an assemblage out of various very old sorts of tropical rum. It owes its incomparable, perfectly balanced, soft, but still heady finish to its double-aging. After storing it in ex-bourbon cask for 10 years and 1 year in barrels of French oak, it was poured over Amina's breasts, which lends it an unique erotic character. Flavours of ripe banana, vanilla, sugarcane and roasted coconut carry your senses into a Caribbean world and create vacation dreams, which continue because of its long-lasting and intense aftertaste.
   
We guarantee that every single drop was poured over the breasts of Amina. This is confirmed by the bottling certificate, including the original signature of the model and the bottle number.
 
Our product will be delivered in a stylish packaging.
 
An exclusive photo is enclosed to every bottle.
 
G.Rum No.1 is limited to 5000 bottles. 
 
Data G.Rum No.1:  Vol. 0,5l
                              alc. 40%
 
G-Spirits only sells to fullaged customer. By transaction you confirm your age of mayority, furthermore the recipient has to verify his age on delivery.
Price: 129,00 €




Thursday, September 27, 2012

My Blog Is Too Sexually Explicit! Finally!

Google did the threatened crack down today. They accused my blog of being sexually explicit. In order for me to come back into compliance I have to remove this post and any other sexually explicit posts. The problem with the instructions is I really don't understand how the "example" is sexually explicit so it makes it very difficult for me to pick out any others. I cancelled my Google Adsense account and went with Chitika. The ads aren't as good because I don't get enough visitors, but perhaps their definition of sexually explicit is more concrete or at least less confusing.

If you're too lazy to read, the "Example Page" is basically ranting about the Texas Government wasting time writing bestiality laws instead of doing something a little more productive with their time. It's very sexually explicit. Maybe I should start blogging about "The Wiggles" to keep things rated G.

Here's the email from my friends at Google (feel free to try and shed some light):

Hello,

This email is to alert you that one of your websites is not currently in compliance with our AdSense program policies and as a result, ad serving has been disabled to your website.

Issue ID#: 18150531

Ad serving has been disabled to: heygar.blogspot.com

Example page where violation occurred: http://heygar.blogspot.com/2011/03/texas-bestiality-laws.html?m=1

Action required: Check all other remaining sites in your account for compliance.

Current account status: Active

Violation explanation


ADULT/EXPLICIT TEXT: As stated in our program policies, AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature content, including sexually explicit text. More information about this policy can be found in our help center ( https://www.google.com/adsense/support/as/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=105957 ).

Action required: Check account for compliance

While ad serving has been disabled to the above site, your AdSense account remains active. Please be aware that the URL above is just an example and that the same violations may exist on other pages of this website or other sites you own. Therefore, we suggest that you take the time to review the rest of your sites to ensure that they’re in compliance with our policies, and to monitor your sites accordingly to reduce the likelihood of future policy emails from us. Additionally, please note that our team reserves the right to disable accounts at any time if we continue to see violations occurring.

Appeals

If you wish to appeal this disabling then you can do so by using the Issue ID listed above to contact us via our Help Center: https://support.google.com/adsense/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=113061.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Politics (2.5 of n)

The above statement is 100% correct. Of course, it also implies things better left not implied. "No president can fix the economy" is a more succinct way to say it. This was a CBS News headline last weekend. It irritated me enough to blog about it, but then the blogger wasn't working for some reason so I had to wait until it wasn't important anymore.

I accidentally posted a thing on Facebook challenging people to verbalize why they like Romney without using the name Obama. I only got two answers. One was stubborn and one was, well, you know those people who only hear what they want to hear? Yeah. Either way, it was not going to be debatable and I don't argue.

It did kind of make me sad though. I think we've forgotten what it is to be American. We can vote for whoever we want to vote for! I'm voting for Gary Johnson. Yeah, he probably won't win because he's not publicized by the glorious media as a contender, but 95% of what he says I agree with. I really like him. I'll happily go into the voting booth and vote for someone who I like and who I think will make a good president. You, my friend, can go vote for the guy you think is not as bad as Obama.

I pretend to be an Astrologist at bars and sometimes on this blog. It's fun for me. But, besides that, it also forces me to watch how people interact and try to discern their personalities. I've become a professional "fly on the wall".

What I've noticed with this election is people who hate (literally hate) Obama are voting for Romney. People who love (literally love) Obama are voting for Obama. What this tells me is if Romney wins the Presidency, 50% of America will dislike the president and the other 50% will dislike the president, but not as much as they disliked the previous president.

That's no way to vote. As it stands right now, I'm firmly opposed to my Republican friends. I don't want a president of the good old USA who everyone dislikes (except for the people who only hear what they want to hear).

She literally said, "He believes the government is FOR the people not in control of the people." Yet, it doesn't take long to see that he has pledged to change the constitution to enforce who you can marry! How much more control do you need? He's opposed to the legalization of marijuana. I don't smoke it, but who cares if you do? So, let me make sure I get this straight. He believes the government should not control the people, but he will tell you what you can smoke and who you can marry? I'm tired of coming up with examples. There are more.

In summary: Vote for the person you like, not the lesser of two evils. They have a write in spot on the ballot. Whatever you do, don't vote for Romney. I like my freedom more than I do my money.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Economy (1 of n)

Now I'm just being silly. Really. Really rhymes with silly.

This year the Bush era tax cuts are going to expire because the government is stupid. Of course, we are in debt up to our ears and raising taxes is an easy way to pay for it. Obama promised he'd cut spending. Obama promised a lot of things. If he'd have kept up to 20% of his promises he'd have been a wonderful president. Vote for Gary. Romney sucks too.

Also in recent news, the feds are trying to keep interest rates at an all time low to help the mortgage industry. If borrowing is good for the government, it's got to be good for the people because, well because, it's "of the people, by the people, for the people". Eveyone borrow more money. We'll make it as painless as possible and who knows? During the borrowing era, maybe something completely unrelated will happen and the economy will turn around and we can all look back and say, "look how smart our government was".

Maybe this should have been Politics (2 of n). Hindsight and all.

In light of the borrowing frenzy I've decided to finally start my own business. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lend people money at the new, government mandated, low interest rates. Then, let people pay me back by working at my company. There will be no income tax. You're not taxed on borrowing money so you won't need to pay any income tax. You'll just have to fill out an application every month to borrow more money. It's genius and we'll be so happy.


Friday, September 7, 2012

Google Ads

I've never, in my life, done anything deliberately wrong.

For the last 4 years or so I've been displaying Google Ads on my blog. When I first joined, they said I'd get a check when I hit $25. When I was at $20, they raised it to $50. Now, I'm at $45 and the bastards just now sent me an email to let me know that I have violated the Adsense adult content policy. They sited my post on Texas Bestiality as the reason.

I'm so mad I could spit. I'm not sure I can continue writing posts on a Google owned website. Apparently the bastards can't read and have no amount of intelligence. I might have to go get my Wordpress blog going again. As it is I'll have my $45 sitting in limbo probably forever. They can go take a sarcastic bath in it. Maybe they'll learn the definition.

No more Chrome and no more Google searches. I'm sure it won't hurt them at all, but it'll make me feel better and I have choices. ask.com, bing.com, dogpile.com, etc. There's got to be an intelligent one out there somewhere.

Then, I'll have to get rid of my Droid. There's no way I can go to Apple. I'm not that fond of a Microsoft phone either. What the hell am I going to do? Maybe the Droid will be a necessary evil. Google bastards.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Politics (1 of n)

Well, if the title of this post doesn't give you chills nothing will.

For some reason, in the good old USA, there are two things you are not allowed to talk about at friendly get togethers and/or family reunions: politics and religion.

The problem is alcohol. Once you drink enough, the filters are removed and eventually heated discussions take place, fists fly, people get hurt or killed, the authorities are called in and stubborn fanatics end up in jail. This is because there are generally two sides. We've been warned.

When it comes to political parties, I most closely resemble a Libertarian. I'm one of the very few Democrat leaning Libertarians. Most Libertarians claim to be reformed Republicans. Ron Paul is a good example. Libertarians flock to him even though he's Republican. The current Libertarian Presidential candidate, Gary Johnson is a recovering Republican.

I used to regularly attend Libertarian get togethers. One time, I was at an election watching party and I saw a "Libertarian" yelling at the bartender because she wasn't believing the way he wanted her to believe. The act of trying to force someone to believe your way is very un-libertarian. I've not attended another Libertarian get together since.They have a tendency to violate the rule in the 2nd paragraph which leads to the result in the 3rd paragraph.

I have a keep it simple philosophy to most everything I do. One of my favorite phrases at work when colleagues come ask me about a computer problem or a software problem is to say, "If it's too hard, you are doing it wrong." Voting is too hard and we aren't given enough choices. Voting should be as easy as or easier than paying credit card bills.

It should be as easy to get on a ballot as it is for a credit card company to send you a "you've been selected" letter in the mail. We've let political parties make things too hard. Therefore I'm renouncing any affiliations to political parties. But, I'm still going to vote Libertarian in the next election though. It's still the easiest way to go.

If you're still reading along with this flurry of unintentional topic changes then I applaud you. I think I'll bring it all together at some point, but I can't guarantee anything.

It gives me chills when someone, in one sentence, can announce their choice for president and family values. How can anyone think the government should be involved in enforcing family values? Do you think about what you are saying? You don't want the government controlling health care, but it's okay if they tell you who you can marry, when you can get divorced and when you can have kids? It gives me more chills than the title of this blog. Really.

Occasionally, on the Internet, you'll run across an ad that says something along the lines of, "Have dinner with Obama and his wife. We'll even cover the airfare". I clicked on one of these ads and discovered for each donation to his re-election campaign, you'll be entered for a chance to win! I read the small print and entered multiple times without donating anything. Always read the small print.

But, now I'm in his email list so I get all the emails trying to get me to donate "just $3" to help him continue his work for four more years. Obama talks a big game, but he never follows through. Being an, "I love my freedom more than my money" kind of Libertarian, I like Obama more than Romney, but I'm still voting for Gary. There's a catch phrase in there somewhere.

It's interesting getting the Gary emails along with the Obama emails. The Gary emails beg for money to try and accomplish some goal (like getting ballot access). Recently, they've started kicking Romney because the Republicans are trying to get the Libertarians removed from the ballots. I don't know if it's true or not. I've done no amount of investigations. All I've received are the Gary emails stating it as fact.

Obama emails almost always bash Romney; either directly or indirectly. Obama is getting outspent and apparently you must spend more than your opponent to get elected so please donate at least $3. "And remember, every time you donate, you'll be entering a chance to win dinner with me and my wife. We'll even cover the airfare." I have no idea if that's true either.

And remember the Wizard's First Rule: "People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool."




Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Aftermath

Back when I was in college, English was the after math.

In this particular case, I'm speaking of the aftermath of my surgery which occurred last Friday.

First, let me get started by telling you I don't like anesthesia. I was nervous when I arrived at the surgery center. The anesthesiologist called me the night before and asked me if I had any questions. She sounded friendly so I quizzed her about my insulin pump and blood sugar and letting her know I was a control freak and didn't like the idea of being at someone else's mercy for two and a half hours.

When she arrived in my room before the surgery, my first thought was, "Wow! She's kind of cute. I guess she's literally a knock out." When I get nervous I'm not very much pun to be around. No one was safe. Even the nurse asked if it would be okay if someone called me Monday. I told her I preferred they call me Gar.

As they started wheeling me towards the operating room, the cute little anesthesiologist was behind my bed pushing it and she put something in my IV. She said it would make me feel drunk. I told her only I should be allowed to put something in my IV, but she wasn't listening. I told her I wasn't feeling very drunk and she said, "That's probably because you have a tolerance from drinking beer." I don't remember anything after that.

The first thing I do remember, about two and a half hours later, was someone asking me if I could tell them my name and birthday. I told him. I felt completely aware like I'd never been out. I've been told that's rather unusual as most people are groggy for sometimes several hours after anesthesia. The only side effect I had was a trickle of a pee stream for two days (which was very irritating). I was so happy when that went away I would have jumped for joy. Except I was on crutches. Well, that, and the mess. You should really refrain from jumping and peeing.

I also noticed I had a fresh bandage on my finger. Nurses do not (for some inexplicable reason) know how to test blood sugar. It's like they try to take the end of your finger off. I remember when I was younger and the nurses would come in trying to test my blood sugar using a finger prick, I'd always politely ask that they just take a vial of blood from my arm as it was less painful. You'd think after 20 some odd years they'd have figured it out. Apparently not.

The guy who was quizzing me said he needed to test my blood sugar again. I winced. He did it without mess or bandage required. I told him my story about how no one seems to know how to test blood sugar correctly and showed him my two bandages. He told me he was diabetic (I hate when people call me diabetic, so don't do it) too so that explained that. Maybe all nurses should be required to test their own blood sugar 5 times a day for a month so they can become adept in the art of the non-painful finger pricks. I've suddenly grown fond of the term "finger pricks". Don't ask me why.

I have learned to literally hate crutches. I'm hoping I only have to be on them for two weeks, but considering the bump the doctor had to shave off my bone, I'm expecting a longer period of time on the crutches. They are concerned about a stress fracture. My labrum was uninjured. The pain was caused by the bump on the bone grinding the cartilage. So he took the bump off and repaired the cartilage.

Today, my bruising has turned a happy shade of yellow. I would take a picture and post it, but it's a bit close to my junk. If you've been following along, you know this all started out as a possible groin injury. I guess the location of the coloration gives me some amount of confidence that he repaired the correct area.


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Bi-Weekly Update (7 of n)

I missed last week and not sure I can get another one off this week. Just in case you were wondering.

This Friday I'm having hip surgery. Wish me well! I have to be at the surgery center at 6 AM. I don't know if I'm more concerned about the surgery or having to get up at the butt crack of dawn.

I spent last week in England. It was horrific. This is my depiction of what England looks like:
I literally woke up at 8 AM, went to work in a warehouse and stared at a wall that looked much like the picture above (except slightly darker and grungier -- I wasn't feeling artistic when I created the picture and cameras weren't allowed in the warehouse).

I left the warehouse at 9 PM, had a quick dinner and went to bed so that I could get up the next day and do it again. This went on for 8 days. I think everyone should be thankful that I only threatened to quit once. The really sad part is I had to leave my colleague behind. It made me feel very dishonorable. But, it all comes down to self preservation and I survived.

I did come up with some new blog material while I was there. Now, I just need to find time to put it into some thin layer of barely comprehensible jargon.



Thursday, August 9, 2012

Weekly Update (6 of n)

I really need to quit with this stupid weekly update slop. Maybe next week.

My trip to England is back on! I'm leaving tomorrow. This time they have me going more to the London area (the previous incarnation had me going to Edinburgh). I checked on tickets to any of the remaining 2012 Olympic events, but they are mostly sold out. I could get a ticket to the gold medal basketball game, but it would cost about $500. I'm not that desperate. So, I'll just buy a t-shirt and watch the games from a bar stool at an authentic English pub.

I don't have any exciting epiphany's this week. Which, is kind of sad. I went bowling yesterday and did so poorly that it depressed me and perhaps has affected my normally entertaining rants.

I'm trying to plan my next vacation. I'm thinking about spending a week in the Florida Keys to do some scuba diving and drinking and galavanting. I've heard Key West is wonderful for this kind of activity.

In case you didn't hear, the USA Women's Football team won the gold medal! They defeated Japan 2 to 1 today.

I just like saying "the women's football team". I used to live down the street from where the Dallas Diamonds played. Unfortunately, I never made it to a game. I think they are now defunct. At least their website has been suspended.



Thursday, August 2, 2012

Stupid Weekly Update (The Stupid Top 10 – or 4)


Instead of a weekly update, I figured I could share with you a few stupid things I’ve discovered recently and not so recently.

#4 – All-way stops. I think USA may be the only country to possess such atrocities. They bring out the stupid in all of us. I saw a head on collision at a four-way stop on my way home from work the other day. How does this happen? Roundabouts are the way to go. Of course, they have roundabouts near where I live and they put stop signs at the entrance. I’m not sure which is more stupid (all-way stop or a roundabout with stop signs).

#3 – Montee Ball suffered an unprovoked attack by 5 males. It’s not his fault. It’s the news. Is 5 males the best description they could come up with? Did all 5 of them appear naked or did they all drop trou during the attack? How did he know they were male? It all seems rather odd. Way to go news media! It actually appeared this way on the NBC TV headline news. “Montee Ball attacked by 5 males. Could have concussion”. I wonder how that investigation is going. They haven’t questioned me yet. I really think it’s some kind of feigned political correctness gone wrong.

#2 – Texting and driving. At least when people drink and drive you can safely hope they may return to some semblance of intelligence after they sober up. And it’s not just the fear of accidents mind you. It’s the stupid ass in front of you going ten miles per hour under the speed limit while slowly weaving over the center stripe (to avoid hitting the curb) while he texts.

#1 – Chick-fil-A. I’m scared to even get started on this one. Are we all expected to shop based on the beliefs of the owners? That’s going to require a lot of work. The only people profiting from this fiasco are the owners of Chick-fil-A. I say if you like a small chicken sandwich with 2 pickles for $10, then eat there all you want.

You’ll probably be texting and driving en route. “I’m headed to Chick-fil-A. I don’t like their sandwiches, but I want to show them, by waiting in line an hour for one of those nasty morsels, that I believe the same narrow minded way they do! OMG! I must keep this short. The guy behind me is flipping me off because I’m driving slow and weaving into his lane. LOL!” or to keep things fair, “I’m headed to Chick-fil-A to protest their narrow mindedness because I’ve got no life, nothing better to do, and I narrow mindedly believe everyone should believe the same way I do. OMG! I must keep this short. The guy behind me is flipping me off because I’m driving slow and weaving into his lane. LOL!”

You can ask my kids. I’ve never liked Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A's narrow minded beliefs have nothing to do with it.

Forgot to mention this was 5 of n. For those counting along with me.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Deadlines

As you can see, I finally got around to renaming my blog. Unfortunately, it looks more like a travel blog than a trip into the world of Gar. Please keep your opinions to yourself. It'll grow on you like a fungus because I'm a fungi.

I don't know how many people who read this also see my Facebook posts. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned something derogatory about the place I work. I've been working here for 12 years and deadlines have always been more of a random shot in the dark than anything to strive for.

About two weeks ago I went on vacation. Corporate wanted something done by Friday and I left on Thursday without having finished it. Here again, 12 years of experience had taught me that deadlines were, in fact, someone with tremors throwing a dart at the side of a barn 50 yards away; behind their back and blindfolded.

Well, two weeks ago, they inexplicably really needed it done by Friday. So, the bastards called me while on vacation and accused me of missing the deadline with questions concerning how I was going to get it to them by Friday since I was on vacation. I managed to pull a few strings and had a colleague of mine get it to them by Monday.

This was all for my work trip to England scheduled for this Saturday.

Today, the corporate deadline people said, "There's no way we'll be ready by Saturday so we're delaying the install trip for two weeks." I'll be getting my hip operated on in about 3 weeks so my trip to England is suddenly canceled. Even after they interrupted my vacation because of "invented" deadlines. The bastards.

There. Now, I'm done venting.

Speaking of venting, do you know why birds are always irritated in the morning? Because their bills are over dew.

Boom chic bye.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Weekly Update (4 of n)

Yes, I know. I said I was going to change the title of my blog this week. It's been one of those weeks. Even now I'm thinking about going to the bar and having a few drinks.

Last Friday I flew to Idaho. It was my first time in Idaho. Boise surprised me with it's plethora of cool bars with good micro-brews. In one city block I found twice the number of beer selections I can get anywhere in downtown Dallas. It made me sad.

In Boise I met one of my gal pal's friends from high school. I remember doing karaoke at some scary bar. But, they had a touch screen karaoke selection machine which I had never seen before. Apparently Boise karaoke is more technologically advanced.

On Saturday I met one of my gal pal's sisters in McCall. Actually, it was her sister's alter-ego. We lovingly called her Stacy. Or was that Stacey? That's only funny to me, but I wrote it anyway. The other person who reads this is going, "Huh?" I think I may have almost gotten in a fight with some strapping young man. I'm not sure of the details. I think Stacey may have shoved him for leering at her sister and/or to touch his pecs.

It's kind of funny I've been dating my gal pal for almost 2 years now and I've yet to use her name in my blog. I might have to come up with a nickname to make things more readable. It's become kind of a game.

On Sunday I went rafting. Durango would have been proud. Twelve miles of rafting down the Salmon River with nary a vapor attack. I enjoyed rafting a lot more than I thought I would. Now, the rafting and the beer are making me think I've been living in the wrong place all my life.

Sunday night I spent in the McCall emergency room. It would make this more funny if I said it was a vapor attack, but it wasn't. I was like the ambulance driver for someone else. She'll continue to be nameless. And it wasn't my fault. Really.

On Monday I met the gal pal's other sister. As far as I know she doesn't have an alter ego. Thanks for asking.


At some point a white tailed deer walked into the backyard. I've never witnessed anything like that before either. It was pretty awesome. I was video taping hoping it would attack and I could get some good video footage.

Monday night it dipped down below 40 degrees. Tuesday we hung out in a hippie hollow and drank moonshine by the tee-pee. It was surreal. I enjoyed it. Then we drove back to Boise so we could fly home.

Work is irritating me more than usual. I almost yelled at my boss when he asked how things were going. I've got a short fuse. I did find out I'll be going to Scotland first (Edinburgh) instead of England. I've heard it's a cool place. I'll be spending about a week there before going down into England. Wish me luck.

I can't think of anything funny to end with. Durango accused me of using too many cliches. I think it's funny because I can't even spell cliches. He also said something derogatory about ending sentences with prepositions. Silly boy, prepositions are for kids.


Thursday, July 19, 2012

Weekly Update (3 of n)

Tomorrow I fly to Idaho. Well, I don't technically fly. I'll be riding in a jet which will be flying.

Therefore, this is my last chance to get my weekly update out of the way. I'm watching True Blood, packing, playing Secret World, and blogging. It's a crazy world.

My daughter helped me create a picture for my new blog design. I'll be rolling it out next week some time. I still can't decide what I will call it. I was going to go with the short, but sweet, "Gar's World".  Then Durango said something about "The Travails of a Texas Boy With Asperger's" and that had a ring to it as well, but slightly difficult to remember.

I could do something like, "Gar's Asperger's World", but I'm kind of afraid of offending anyone who might be actively suffering from the affliction. I"m pretty sure I've outgrown mine. Or at least figured out exactly how much alcohol it takes to make it manageable.

This week has been mostly uneventful. It's been very busy at work. I used to blog on my lunch break. I think I made my boss angry using company resources to do blogging so now I have to interrupt my game playing and TV watching time to write my blog from home. Anyway, he keeps me so busy now that I don't even have time to eat.

Sunday morning at a random barbecue joint I flirted with the waitress until she agreed to bring me a beer at 11:45 AM.  15 minutes before you're allowed to buy beer in Texas for some ungodly reason. I felt like such a rebel.

I'm out of time. Maybe when I get my blog layout changed with my new design I'll feel more inspired to write about how stupid texting and driving is, how stupid 4-way stops are, and/or how stupid people at 4-way stops are. I will continue to voice plenty of ignorant opinions because ignorance is bliss and opinions are like assholes. Have fun!