Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Stupid Texas Laws

I know that some of you avid readers of my random BS will appreciate this posting as a small horrifying step into the mind of Gar.  I would add pictures, but, as you'll read shortly, I couldn't find an appropriate depiction.

Today on the radio they announced that the Texas Congress is trying, for the third time, to make bestiality illegal.  The DJ's were, of course, alarmed that this was their third try.  It seems it should be an automatic pass.  I listen to Russ Martin for my entertaining news source.  It's probably not the safest source of news.

Anyway, I'm thinking, "really!?"  We need a law for that?  I mean doesn't animal cruelty laws already kind of have that covered?  And what would the punishment be?  You're sitting in a jury, of your equally nauseous peers, while you decide whether the defendant should spend 30 days in jail after they have the hoof print removed from their forehead?  Really?

What do they use for proof?  Eyewitness accounts?  If you're an eyewitness to that, then I'd think you might have some issues as well.  The poor defenseless animal is not going to be able to make a court appearance.  Of course, maybe out of work veterinarians are pushing for it to pass so they can get into the DNA field and be expert witnesses (shudder).

All joking aside.  Okay, not really, I can't seriously say all joking aside.  It never happens that way.  But, seriously, shouldn't they spend more time passing laws preventing the brainwashing of children by organized religion?  It seems that this would be more beneficial to "the people".

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Saint Patrick's Day Money Parade

I just wanted to take a little bit of time and wish everyone a happy Saint Patrick's Day and my mom a happy birthday.  Sometimes I feel a little disappointed that she was born on Saint Patrick's Day and I was born on Valentine's Day.  Saint Patrick's Day would be much cooler.  But, then I wouldn't be an Aquarius.  I'd be Pisces and no one wants that.

Anyway, when you are out drinking your beers today remember this: last year the federal government collected a little over 3.6 billion dollars from taxes on beer!  This year let's help balance the budget via alcohol!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Disasters and Donations and the Media

When disasters happen like the recent one in Japan, it reminds me how much I hate the news media.  The major news sources in the USA are so hungry for money that they will sensationalize everything to the point of lunacy.  While we all agree it's a disaster of epic proportions do we really need Fox News trying to out do CBS News?  I think not.  I swear they make stuff up to make people watch.  Because the more people watch, the more money they can charge for advertisements.  It makes my head hurt.  What makes my head hurt even more is that people watch it and believe everything they hear.  But, if someone came out and said, "In the grand scheme of things, it's really not that bad.  Just over 6 years ago when the 9.2 quake hit Indonesia, 230,000+ people lost their lives."  Of course, that wouldn't get you any viewers.  People would turn the channel trying to find out what Charlie Sheen is up to (who is a genius by the way).

So the donation pushes have also started rolling in trying to get us to give money to Japan to help with the recovery.  I'm all about helping.  I have a small problem with it which will make me seem a little callous, but I'm going to share it anyway.  The government is taxing me at a very high rate. I quit looking at how many trillions of dollars the USA is in debt to the rest of the world.  They'll give money to Japan.  They've already sent military ships over there and are aiding in the nuclear power plant problems.  We're directly paying for that.  If anything it should kind of irritate you that we Americans spent more money bailing out GM than we'll spend helping Japan.

However, if you still want to add a personal touch, I've heard that you can text REDCROSS to 90999 and that'll put a $10 charge on your phone bill and send $10 to the Red Cross.  Hopefully you'll get to add it to your tax deductions.  I'm thinking AT&T will probably be the ones who get to write it off.  More tax dollars at work.

Perhaps I should have saved this rant for a less cynical day.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Various DFW Concert Announcements

I try to keep my eyes and ears open when it comes to concert announcements in the greater DFW area.

Recently, there have been a slew of them.  I briefly considered giving each act their own post, but I quickly outgrew that idea.

I'll try to put them in order of appearance grouped by venue.

House of Blues on March 19th is G. Love & Special Sauce.

I don't know if I can make this next one. The weekend in question is kind of booked. But, it's highly recommended. They are a string based rock band called Apocalyptica at House of Blues on March 27th.

I'm oddly looking forward to the next one. Classified by some as gypsy music. I think they have an album called Gypsy Punks... Gogol Bordello will be at House of Blues on April 11th.

Then, we move over to the Granada Theater.  On April 23rd there is KT Tunstall.  I'll be in Cabo that weekend so won't be able to make it, but I bet it'd be good.

Then the one I'm 99% sure I'm going to be there is the didgeridoo playing magic of Xavier Rudd on May 23rd (again at the Granada). I'll probably see you there.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

What Would Simon Say? You believe you can cry?

So yesterday, I accidentally watched part of American Idol.  I used to almost enjoy it because I enjoyed Simon's ability to humiliate people.  He's obviously gone now.  Currently the "celebrity" judges include: Steven Tyler (who I love his music but was horribly depressed with his ability to blow smoke up people's asses).  Jennifer Lopez (who I didn't recognize because she was sitting down -- in hindsight probably because Steven was sitting next to her).  And Randy Jackson (who I've never liked).

I watched James Durbin do "Maybe I'm Amazed" (he was my favorite).  I watched Haley Reinhart do "Blue" and I only had to hold my ears for about 30 seconds.  Then, there was Jacob Lusk doing "I Believe I Can Fly".  If I could find a video, I'd post it.  He actually inspired this post.  Here's what the judges said:

  • Steven Tyler:  "Pure passion. I can't even judge it."
  • Jennifer Lopez:  "This season is so good." -- I puked a little bit
  • Randy Jackson:  "You have such a signature sound. I'm excited every time you hit the stage."

Here's what I say.  "The song is not 'I Believe I Can Cry'.  It's 'I Believe I Can Fly'.  Hitting the notes is only half the battle.  Attitude has a large role in presenting a song and this song should be about pride.  You made me want to huddle up in a corner and weep.  It'd be like Aerosmith doing 'Limp This Way' which is how Steven is making me feel.  Come back after you've grown a pair.  And get these wussy smoke blowing losers off my podium."

And that, my friends, is why I don't watch these types of shows.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Terrifying Sheeple

Yesterday I had to take my youngest spawn to have her braces removed. 

herd-of-sheepWhile sitting in a chair that I refer to as the auditorium of shame the nurses working with the kids, who were neatly spaced out in a semi-circle I call the theater of shame, started talking about gas prices.

The first sheeple said, “Gas is too expensive and there is no reason for it.  They should limit the profits of  these big gas companies.”  I couldn’t believe she said big a$$ in front of the children.

The second sheeple replied eagerly, “Yeah, government should just regulate gas and oil prices.”

It struck fear into my cold, cold heart.  When did people start thinking that the government can take tare of them?  If things are too expensive the government can take care of it.  If my kid tries to buy alcohol the government can take care of it.  If I don’t want to hear cussing on the radio, the government can take care of it.  If my butt itches, the government can take care of it.

I’d go so far as to say if you consider yourself a Republican or a Democrat, you are sheeple.  I’m going to make a new political party called the Sheepless Party.  It’s going to be a group of people who believe that they can take care of themselves with minimum government assistance.  It’ll be a less radical Libertarian party. 

Government regulate gas prices?  Give me a break.  Government regulate radio?  Why? 

Well, that was a tangent.  What I originally wanted to say was that my daughter said that if you are sheeple and you have a heart attack then they’ll have to give you SheePR, and if you get tired then you’ll be Sheepy.  My new political party will never be Sheepy because they’ll be Sheepless.

Monday, March 7, 2011

My Mentha Martha Stewart Moment

Maybe a year and a half ago I bought this mint plant at Home Depot.  Actually my ex-wife bought it I believe, but I thought it sounded like a good idea.

She almost killed it.  It had one little vine barely grasping onto the the edges of photosynthetic life.  Then, she left.  Now, the plant, in my solo loving care, has flourished.  I have it in my kitchen above the sink.

Some people coming to visit tell me that it smells like sh*t.  It has a rather strong odor and not always consistent.  I think most of the time it masks the unpleasant smells coming from the dirty sink which I am too lazy to clean.

Anyway besides the obvious uses of the fresh leaves in cooking, and in making mojitos, I discovered today that if you throw one of those into the garbage disposal, it brings minty odoriferous emanations into the kitchen.  I knew you'd be pleased.