What Would Simon Say? You believe you can cry?

So yesterday, I accidentally watched part of American Idol.  I used to almost enjoy it because I enjoyed Simon's ability to humiliate people.  He's obviously gone now.  Currently the "celebrity" judges include: Steven Tyler (who I love his music but was horribly depressed with his ability to blow smoke up people's asses).  Jennifer Lopez (who I didn't recognize because she was sitting down -- in hindsight probably because Steven was sitting next to her).  And Randy Jackson (who I've never liked).

I watched James Durbin do "Maybe I'm Amazed" (he was my favorite).  I watched Haley Reinhart do "Blue" and I only had to hold my ears for about 30 seconds.  Then, there was Jacob Lusk doing "I Believe I Can Fly".  If I could find a video, I'd post it.  He actually inspired this post.  Here's what the judges said:

• Steven Tyler:  "Pure passion. I can't even judge it."
• Jennifer Lopez:  "This season is so good." -- I puked a little bit
• Randy Jackson:  "You have such a signature sound. I'm excited every time you hit the stage."

Here's what I say.  "The song is not 'I Believe I Can Cry'.  It's 'I Believe I Can Fly'.  Hitting the notes is only half the battle.  Attitude has a large role in presenting a song and this song should be about pride.  You made me want to huddle up in a corner and weep.  It'd be like Aerosmith doing 'Limp This Way' which is how Steven is making me feel.  Come back after you've grown a pair.  And get these wussy smoke blowing losers off my podium."

And that, my friends, is why I don't watch these types of shows.