Monday, November 26, 2012

Jet Lag Prevention Wear

Supposedly, they also help with people who are having trouble sleeping, people with the no sunshine blues (more commonly referred to as SAD), people who work strange shifts (like the graveyard shift), but I am more interested in these $280 glasses for their supposed jet lag relief.

Usually I dose myself with melatonin and Benadryl when I board a jet heading for the other side of the pond, but now, apparently, I can just wear these fancy glasses that claim to be backed by 25 years of study. After 25 years of research, they've developed 4 little green lights to shine into your eye holes.

The company is called Re-Timer and they are out of Australia. Since my most frequent flight is from Dallas to Frankfurt, I put it into their "scheduling program" to see exactly how often I'd have to wear the glasses.

I was a bit alarmed that I'd have to get up at 5:30 the day of the flight. If I got up at 5:30 without the glasses I'd be passed out before boarding the plane which usually departs around 3 PM. Just to give you some idea, the flight from Dallas to Frankfurt is about a 9 hour flight. You typically leave around 3 PM and arrive in Frankfurt at about 7 AM. You travel for 9 hours and the clock goes forward by 16 hours. Anyway, here's the results from their Jet Lag Calculator:

I've decided I'm going to wait for someone else to spend the money and let me know how it goes.

Friday, November 16, 2012


I've seriously only gotten 5 people to sign my petition to force politicians to hand-write all their bills. I thought for sure I'd have several hundred thousand by now.

If you haven't signed my petition, you can now, by going here: PETITION. I mean, it's been 3 whole days. It only takes a couple of minutes and you'll even get an email from The White House!

I've never been very good at getting people to join my bandwagon. I suspect it's because of my various and multiple personality disorders. Not to be confused with a multiple personality disorder which I do not have. At least, I don't think I have one. And Fred agrees most of the time.
I would never make it as a marketer. It's just not in me. Therefore, I'm going to post a picture of the Dallas Maverick Dancers in their new uniforms. Apparently, they are catching hell about these new uniforms. Some folks have even gone so far as to say they look naked in their new uniforms.

Now, I'm not one to judge, but seriously? Have these people ever seen a naked woman before? It's not even close. I fail to see the problem. This could also be because I'm a guy.

To entertain myself while ogling the pictures, I tried to make up degrading remarks about the dancers so I could put it in my blog. If you go to their website and move your little pointer around, their names pop up. I'll let you open that up in a new tab now so you can see who I'm talking about. Right Click here and select "Open in a new tab". It's unfortunate that this link will probably not last forever. Ctrl-tab is a quick way to switch between browser tabs.

My favorite is Nazlie. She's got a cool name and she has that, "I know something you don't know" look. It's awesome.

Of course, while looking at Nazlie, you can't help but be distracted by Paula. I suspect that Paula's primary goal in life is to be distracting. If I looked like that I'd be distracting too. "When life gives you dyslexic Melons". You make milk? Melonade didn't make sense.

And if you want something more distracting than Paula, look at her Sequel! I can't really go anywhere else with that. Her name is Sequel, she comes after Paula and she was cursed with pesky melons as well.

In hindsight, this would be more fun if I had tagged everyone, but then the tags would have covered up the important bits.

It's obvious Chantel is not her real name. I'd now like to go to a Mavericks game so I can give her a $20 and try to figure out her real name.

Was it the photograph or are Paige's teeth too big for her mouth? I wouldn't have even noticed it except I found myself asking Fred, "Why are you even looking at her teeth?"

I'm only joking, of course. The Mavericks Dancers are beautiful and there's nothing wrong with their costumes. Give them a break!

Now, go sign my petition!

How was that for marketing genius? I probably owe someone money.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

We The Hoppy People!

Today, to entertain myself whilst debugging various programs, I started researching this "We The People" website because of all the states petitioning to secede.  Texas, oddly enough, has approximately double the number of petition signers as any other state. I'm not ready to move yet so I hope that if the morons actually go through with it, I'll have time to absquatulate.

While looking through the various petitions, I found one that got me excited. Barack Obama is the first President ever to brew his own beer in the White House. The petition was to get the recipe for the White House Honey Ale, which can now be found (along with the Porter) at the link above. It should come as no shock to you that I'm a beer fan. Obama gets a +1 from me! I used to joke that if I were invited out with Bill Clinton or George W. Bush, I'd pick Bill in a heartbeat. He just seems more fun. I mean he got a hummer in the Oval Office! That's just awesome!

I never gave Barack Obama much of a chance until now. I love drinking beer with folks who know their stuff.

 I created my first petition! Click here to sign it!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Neurotic Post

Sometimes I feel it necessary to write a post about nothing simply because the "headline post" or the one that appears at the top of the page is outdated.

Last week during the explosion of angry Republicans, I had lots to blog about, but decided to refrain in my magnanimous attempt to not stir the kettle of crazy.

I'll just summarize here: I was "unfriended" on Facebook by some Republicans who mistook me for an Obama supporter. I saw a respected Libertarian post something so vile and repulsive that it caused me to change political parties. I'm now a Democrat with intentions to bring small, efficient government views to a liberal organization. We can be liberal without breaking the bank. I've been doing it for a few decades now!

Before Democrat haters start in on me, I would rather be independent, but as I get older I realize independence is a pretty powerless political stance. If I can get the Democrats to believe me, I think I can create an efficient organization that doesn't believe in blaming our apparent lack of religion on everything. Or at least aim them in that direction. Democrats are more apt to discuss ideas rather than beliefs. You can't argue beliefs. Trust me, I've tried.

This change in stance and in Facebook friends was brought about, in some small part, by my favorite quote of the circus. Basically, taking an old Thomas Jefferson quote and altering it to correspond with the utter lack of intelligence that was being splattered across my innocent Facebook wall time and time again. Here it is now; edited to protect the innocent.

"I have never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friendship." But stupidity will make me drop you like a hot potato.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Don't Forget to Vote (for my last political post)

If you are legally able to vote and you don't vote then something is very very wrong with you. Lots of good people risked their lives and died to give you the opportunity to vote.

My prediction: 316 to 222, Obama wins. And the Libertarians get their 5% so that in 2016 we have more choices. I have 100 different varieties of toilet paper to choose from, but only 2 for President... Strange.

I'm also amused at the archaic way we do voting. I need to do some research on federal regulations concerning voting. Or are there any? It seems that each state is completely different than the next.

I know I have friends in Washington who always vote by mail. In Texas, to vote by mail you have to be absent. As in, there must be factors forcing you to vote by mail. It's not a choice.

In the aftermath of hurricane Sandy, New Jersey, I believe, has allowed voters to vote via email. I'm not real sure how this fixes anything because it implies electricity at the houses, but not at the voting locations?

There's a huge outcry over the possibility of voter fraud, but since everyone and their dog knows that New Jersey is going to go to Obama, I'm not sure it matters too much. Why are people so uptight about Internet voting? Or do they think the hackers are able to predict the weather better than the voting places and were able to write preemptive software to hack the votes?

While we are asking questions, why do we still use the Electoral College? I can kind of see the need for it back in the days before the Information Age, but now, it's just an antiquated ritual that seems to lessen the impact of an individual's vote. Well, unless you happen to live in a battleground state (like Florida).

Also, I'd like to get some kind of feedback that my vote was counted correctly. When I deposit money in my checking account, I can easily login to the bank and verify that my bank agrees with my deposit. I have no such luxury with my vote. Once my vote is cast, it goes into some deep dark abyss never to be seen again. I would like to be able to login and see that my vote was counted correctly.

My top 4 list for ways the Federal Government can improve:
  1. Give each registered voter a unique login to vote on issues and candidate including a way to login and see their voting history via the Internet.
  2. All new bills must be hand written, with a quill and ink jar, by the Senator or Representative presenting the bill.
  3. All new bills must be voted on by the voters of the USA and require greater than 50% to pass. If you didn't vote in the last election, you can't vote on the bills.
  4. Presidential terms shall be 6 years with a two term limit and after the first year a probationary vote shall be performed to give the voters of the USA a chance to remove him from office because he looked better on paper.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Expert Voting Advice

This is my next to last political rant and it's not really a rant so much as an educational experience guaranteed to titillate the senses. Before I start, know that I've already voted and I followed the following guidelines.

First study this map from the latest opinion polls:
Now, for your voting instructions:

The red states are 100% Romney. There's no question in anyone's mind. Therefore, if you live in a red state, your vote is wasted by voting for Romney or Obama. However, if you vote for Gary Johnson, you'll be voting to get a 3rd choice in the 2016 Presidential Elections and Debates!

The dark blue states are 100% Obama. There's no question in anyone's mind. Therefore, if you live in a dark blue state, your vote is wasted by voting for Romney or Obama. However, if you vote for Gary Johnson, you'll be voting to get a 3rd choice in the 2016 Presidential Elections and Debates!

If you live in a light blue state or yellowish colored state, I suggest you vote your heart. If it were me, I'd vote for Obama because I dislike Romney quite a bit.

Whatever you do remember this! Variety is the spice of life and in 2016 you could be watching 3 candidates debate! That's like a 50% increase in variety or something like that!

PS: People from Oklahoma are screwed. Apparently your government thinks you are so stupid you can't handle more than A/B answers on your multiple choice ballot. Sorry about that. These instructions should not concern you.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Cruise to Belize

As many of you are aware, I take too many cruises. The last one was forced upon me by my age and medical conditions. After my hip surgery, it was the only vacation I could think of where I'd fit right in with my walker.

Our first stop was Cozumel where I flirted with my favorite shot girl. She took pity on me. I have a stack of tequila shooters at home.
The other girl may or may not be my gal pal. I must protect the innocent. You can decide which one is which.

Our second stop was Belize. The ship stops way outside of Belize and you have to take boats to the dock. It's about a 30 minute boat ride. The dock it takes you to is actually fenced off complete with razor wire in places. They don't try very hard to make it look like a hospitable place.

I made the best of it.

The Belikin beer is awesome. I was particularly fond of the Belikin stout. But, after having a few beers, I was encouraged to caffeinate myself with a Diet Coke (or Cola Light). This is where the fun began. We went to a beach front bar where the bartender proceeded to top my 16 oz coke bottle off with Belikin Rum. I don't remember anything after that, but apparently, I made a friend on the boat ride back to the ship.

In case you were curious, I was telling him how I'm going to run for President of the USA in 2016 after Gary Johnson gets 5% of the vote, thus opening the brains of Americans to handle more than 2 equally crappy choices. He was inspired.

It's also possible I was telling him about the little ink blot who was sad because his mom was stuck in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence was going to be.

I'm not really sure.

The last stop was Mahogany Bay, Roatan, Honduras. It was a very pretty place. I may have enjoyed it more if I hadn't been recovering from Belize. It was the only stop where a beach was readily available after debarking the ship. I wish I had known ahead of time, I would have worn my bathing suit and taken my snorkel. We weren't there for long. I got a cool picture out of it though. At least I thought it was cool...
Our last stop was actually supposed to be Cayman Islands, but Mother Nature stepped in as a hurricane named Sandy and cancelled that part of our trip. She was actually gone from the area the day before we arrived, but the swells were still too large for safe tendering.