Monday, January 10, 2011

The Unexpected Epiphany

imageIn case some of you are new to my Random Ramblings, which would make you highly unique indeed, I got divorced last August.

For those of you who already knew that and don’t know how my mind works, I don’t call it random for nothing.

My ex and I were on speaking terms until about a month ago when I decided it was time to cut off all communications.  I could no longer handle the lying, but that’s not what this story is about.

In my attempt to segregate myself from the poison, I had to eliminate its existence from my abode.  Mostly this was just going through books and hard drives to get rid of pictures. 

When I am forced to survive things like this, I benefit the economy as much as I can.  I tend to reinvent myself through purchases.  But, this isn’t part of the story either.  Except to say that I bought new furniture to try and make my home “different”.  I bought a new car too, but that’s really not important.

Every time I get a housing statement it has her name on it.  Last week, I decided it was time to remove her name while interest rates were still at an all time low (pun intended).  I went to some crazy Internet website called lowermybills or maybe it was lendingtree and put in my information.

I hit the submit button and two seconds later my phone started ringing.  It was almost obnoxious.  There were so many lenders offering so many different things it was unbelievable.  I couldn’t decide which one to go with so I just picked the prettiest broker and the nicest broker and let them haggle it out.  Too many options can be a bad thing.

Piece of advice here.  If you are thinking of refinancing, don’t work with just one lender.  There are lots of options out there.  Do some looking around to see what all options are available.  Who knows.  One might have exactly what you are looking for.  The interest rate is a small part of the package.

One offered me a savings of $200 per month for a while (eventually realizing a $500 per month savings), but increased my debt by $4000 and increased my loan by 2 years.  Another offered me $90 more per month, increased my debt by $5000, but reduced my loan by 8 years.  Another offered a savings of $300 per month, but increased my debt by $11000 and increased my loan by 2 years.  It all stressed me out to exhaustion.

Then, last Friday, I was having lunch and drinking a beer and was struck over the head with a two ton heavy thing.  The blinds were opened.  The light bulb came on. 

I was stressing out over refinancing because I needed to get out of my house.  Owning a home causes too much stress when you are a random man whose goal in life is to emulate his favorite form of combustion.  To be spontaneous.

I’m afraid I might actually lose money trying to sell my house in this market.  Plus, I hate living in a home that is for sale.  I’ve done it several times and it always irritates me in ways I can’t quite explain.  The question is: how do I get out without hurting my credit or losing money?

It you know of anyone that wants a nice house without having to pay realtor fees send them my way (it’s pictured above).  I’ve even got a lawyer who’ll draw up the papers for free.  Of course there’ll still be closing costs involved, but since I’m not looking to make any money, you’ll be getting  a heckuva deal.

Barring that, there are “investor” companies that specialize in turning homes at a profit.  I called one today and he said they would take over payments for me until it was sold, but then they’d keep any “equity” from the sale.  Of course, they have to come out and have a look first.  The whole idea of someone taking over payments for me kind of scares me.  But, my lawyer can look over those papers as well.

So there you have it.  I plan to be living in an apartment in 3 months.  I knew you’d be excited.

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