Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Rachel Affair

Rather than spend an hour regurgitating all the sordid details of this brief affair and rehashing the nightmare, I've decided to spend 30 minutes describing photo documentation.

First, here's Rachel.  She's 19 and has a 5 month old little boy.  Young women these days.

As soon as Rachel saw me she threw herself at me.

As things progressed, I agreed to a dance.

I grudgingly allowed her to give me a kiss.  On the cheek.

Then things got ugly.  First, I agreed that she could take me for a ride.  She started getting a little too friendly so I told her I had a girlfriend.  Her adoration quickly became anger and she tried to drown me.

Failing at the drowning fiasco, she came up behind me while I was floating innocently on a boogie board and tried to forcefully ram me headfirst into the nearest pier.

I survived, but was left troubled by the whole ordeal.  Please send sympathy donations to my Paypal account.


  1. Dude, you and a 19 year old? You’re getting desperate man, truly desperate!

  2. I know. It's a personal fault really. Pathetic.

  3. I think she's cute.
    A quick fling in the summer sun, nobody gets hurt. It's a beautiful thing.

    Besides, there's a reason they call it a "blow hole"....

  4. I can't believe you went there.

    It took every fiber of my being not to go there.

  5. I'm always there for ya, buddy. I know how important it is for you to keep up the standards of the blog, but *someone* needed to bow to the inevitable.