When I woke up this morning, I couldn't decide whether to be mean, nice, honest, understanding, or all of the above. I've decided to go with all of the above. I warn you now, this is going to be crazy random. Good luck keeping up. D'ngo says I need new material. I'm not sure it's possible.
I only do this kind of thing once every four years because I avidly believe football is a detriment to our education system. We build new high school football stadiums while simultaneously firing math teachers because of budget shortfalls.
I've been bowling lately. If you've ever bowled, you know if you bowl a strike, the next two balls are added to the strike for a possible 30 points total per frame. This causes me great amounts of anxiety after bowling a strike that I can't seem to fix. The best I've ever bowled was in Germany after drinking a liter of hefeweizen. I bowled a 166 (out of a possible 300). Beer helps the condition. It causes a reduction in anxiety.
I strongly believe Tony Romo has the same problem. He gets so worked up that he can't play. This is evident in his playoff stats (which I assume are more stressful games than normal) and it was evident last night. Everything was going relatively peachy until the Jets had him pinned at his own 5 yard line. Suddenly the anxiety took over and Romo melted. He scrambled, lost yards and the Cowboys were finally forced to punt. That was the tipping point.
Shortly afterwards, he threw a pass to Witten which Witten managed to run down to the 1 yard line. Romo, feeling immense pressure to finish off the drive, (how hard can it be to go 1 yard anyway -- as hard as it is to hit 5 pins after a bowling a strike) fumbled.
This was followed devastatingly quickly by a blocked punt and ensuing touchdown which tied the game. At this point Romo is a sniveling little kid incapable of any kind of performance. I was thinking maybe Garrett should keep a bottle of tequila hidden in the cooler. I wonder if there are any rules about alcohol during the game? Perhaps if Romo had a double shot before the pressure filled fourth quarter things would have worked out differently.
But all is not lost. Final drive for the Cowboys and all they have to do is go about 30 yards and kick a field goal to tie the game! Romo, in his anxiety ridden addled mind throws the ball to the wrong player (the Jets wear green man). Game over Romo. Either start drinking at halftime or retire before they come up with a better ranking system for quarterbacks.
For those of you still not convinced, I'll leave you with an old adage: "If it works, don't mess with it". Then go back and look at the Cowboy's record last year. First look at the record with Romo, then look at the record without Romo. Granted, Garrett was also a difference. I like his coaching style.
With Romo as quarterback last year, they won 1 and lost 5. With Romo not as quarterback they won 5 and lost 5. With Garrett as coach they won 5 and lost 2. Do the math. Stick with Garrett and no Romo (I wrote that because I suspect Jerry Jones may have a problem with simple arithmetic).