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Friday, May 20, 2011
Economic Capitalistic Rapture
So the gal on Wordpress who drew up the little flowchart here has gone viral. Last I looked, almost 7000 hits in one day all for a silly little flowchart. How do people find these things?
It got me to thinking how I can profit from this? It seems kind of odd thinking about profiteering on the day before the end, but nevertheless, it's what I do.
My first thought was to setup a care service. When those without sin are sucked up into heaven, I'll remain behind, complete with my sin, and take care of any loved ones (including pets) that might also get left behind. I figure you won't be needing your money anyway, so I'll charge $1000 per. I've got a paypal account setup and everything.
Then I discovered this. They are a group of animal loving atheists who will care for your pets. $135 for the first pet then it gets discounted. Once again, I am late on coming up with the multi-billion dollar idea.
I've got no other ideas. I've read where some naysayers are going to find the addresses of all the sinless and put clothes in their yards. This is making the assumption that when the sinless are sucked up into heaven, their clothes will be left behind. So, the optimistic sinless will come out after the supposed "rapture" and see their lawn littered with the clothing of those that made it (and hopefully be devastated). Actually, now that I think about that, I should have lived a better life. I bet some of them might look pretty good naked. But, then, if they are holy enough to get sucked into heaven, I'm betting they wouldn't be much fun anyway.
Of course, all this means that the earth will fall apart on October 21. The apocalypse takes 5 months? Is that written somewhere? I'm too lazy to go and look it up. $135 per pet is not nearly going to cover 5 months worth of pet care. Just the other day a college kid put a note on my door offering to care for my pets while I vacation. His cost was about $10 per day. Let's just say 5 months is 150 days. That's $1500. I should easily be able to charge $1500 per pet. Damn atheists are working on the cheap to put me out of business!