Monday, May 2, 2011

Cabo One

Thursday started at 7 AM. I had to be on-board my MD-80 flight to San Jose Cabo at 9:05.  As I recall, it was a cool morning.  I wore my cargo jeans, "gone to my happy place" t-shirt and a hoodie.  I only call it a hoodie because everyone makes fun of me when I do.  They say it's cute (me, not the hoodie).

I was at The Parking Spot at 7:45 and at the airport by 8.  In hindsight, I think I'm going to have to start hiring the airport "Super Shuttle" to take me to the airport.  It's a bit easier to wait for someone to pick you up than it is driving your own self to a place to park.  It's also a bit less expensive if you're planning to be gone more than 5 days (depending on how far from the airport you live).

Trip through security was fun as usual.  My insulin pump set off the metal detectors.  The nice airport security (TSA) lady asked me to try again so I did and it went off again.  She smiled and took me aside and said something like, "Sometimes those pumps pass right through and sometimes not.  Now, we need a male assist and I don't see any males."

I laughed and said, "That's not nice, I see a big burly man right there."  I pointed to a tall, rugged looking officer from the DFW Police Department.  She laughed and explained he didn't work for TSA.

She found a gay guy who had just moved in from New York City.  He was young and a bit goofy looking.  He wore braces and had the jet black hair parted on the side and lightly feather, but hanging over his ears.  He reminded me of someone who might have been outcast from a Ricky Martin video.  He proceeded to fondle me while asking how I liked living in Dallas since he had just moved here from New York.

The three hour flight left late, but made good time.  We were in San Jose Cabo by 11:30.

Exiting the airport in Cabo is "interesting".  Once you get through security you are accosted by approximately two thousand English speaking Mexicans telling you that your ride is on the way, but it'll take about 10 minutes.  "While you wait, why not step over here and let me tell you about some offers from the hotel where you'll be staying."

If you are able to get away from them (which we eventually were), you are guided through a set of double doors leading to another room.  In the next room there are one thousand English speaking Mexicans apologizing for all the "time share" crooks in the other room.  Then they tell you that they are "really" the ones affiliated with your hotel and they'll get you to your ride which should arrive in about 10 minutes.  "While you wait, maybe you'd like to look over this brochure of events we have going on over the next few days?"

Once you escape this, you finally arrive outside and a Mexican who speaks very bad English helps you find your van to the hotel.

While we were finally waiting for our "real" ride (assuming I understood the directions), an out of breath couple came escaping past the marketing juggernaut and stopped to talk (or complain) to us.  They were on their first anniversary and were a very nice couple.  I don't know that I remember their names.  They  were staying at a hotel in the same parking lot and owned by the same people, but for some reason they had a different ride.  I thought to myself, "Cool, we've already met some people to hang with."  We never saw them again.

The ride to the hotel was an hour long.  Apparently there are no seat belt laws in Mexico and I immediately got to do something I've honestly never done before.  The driver had a cooler between the front seats.  On seeing this I uttered all the Spanish I know, "Cerveza?"  I inquired.

Diego, the driver, said, "Si!  Hablas Español?"

"No," I responded, "Cerveza is the only Spanish I know."

He laughed, opened the cooler and asked me what flavor.  I proceeded to have 3 beers in an hour in a car headed to the hotel without a seat belt and without violating any laws regarding open containers!  It was awesome!  I had left the inappropriately named "land of the free" behind.

That just made me laugh. "Land of the free behind".  I don't think any such place exists.

We made it to the hotel, got cuffed with our "all inclusive" orange bracelets and headed to the room.  We put our stuff away and went to find a place to grab a quick lunch.  Here I discovered the first negative about all-inclusiveness.  They are called buffets and I hate buffets.  Okay, I strongly dislike buffets.  Cruise ships are all you can eat, but they almost always have a restaurant where you can go and order food from a menu.  No such luck here.

We even asked about the dinner arrangements and were told it was "reservation only" for the restaurants with menus.  Reservation only meant first come first serve and the reservations were normally gone by 10 AM.  Of course, the last day we were there we discovered that you can also make reservations two days in advance.  I don't know why.  I was too frustrated to ask.

After lunch I found one of my first positives about "all inclusive".  Sit at the bar, order a drink and they bring you the drink.  There are no tabs, no credit cards, and no money changing hands.  It's the pinnacle of drunk achievement.

I don't remember much more about day one except commenting that my insulin pump oddly looked like there was water in the screen.  It's supposedly a "water proof pump" made by Animas and we had gone swimming.  Ordering a drink at a swim up bar was on my bucket list and was eliminated on day one.  I commented that this "water in the screen" was probably not a good sign, but everything seemed to be working so I didn't worry too much about it.


  1. Interesting article, thanks for sharing your experience with us.

  2. Thank you with regard to sharing the knowledge with us. Interesting write-up.......