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Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Upon reaching the wise old age of 30, I began to cause people living with me to get sick.
It all started after my divorce. I moved in with a friend of mine, who was also recently divorced. I remember it like it was 12 years ago. He sniffled and coughed the whole 6 months we lived together. He was constantly complaining about the worst cold he ever had. He also smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day so I didn't think too much of it.
I left him behind to start living in sin with a girl I met on the Internet. Not long after we started living together, she suddenly came down with a cold and I thought, for a while, she was going to require hospitalization. I finally felt sorry enough for her to kick her out of the house.
Then, I got married. She seemed healthy most of the time, but when she got a cold, it lasted for weeks. She'd get all stuffy headed and complain to me for weeks at a time. It was during one of these cold induced sufferings that she decided it was time to go look for greener pastures. And she did.
I've met another woman who likes to sit around and play video games with me and make fun of Durango. We have lived together now for almost a year and in the last month she's gotten the worst cold she's ever had. She blames it on just one more detriment to aging, but my neurosis has set in.
I've decided I'm the next Typhoid Mary, only with the Rhinovirus. They'll call me Rhinovirus Gar and hopefully not shorten it to Rhino Gar. I'm not sure I could live with the stigma. I'm also looking to find a more tropical island once they hunt me down and force me to live in isolation.