Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Roman Mind of Gar

The other day I was at the dentist having my sensitivity problem corrected (with a drill) and my dentist started talking about the show, "Spartacus".  My new dentist is very entertaining.  He talks to his assistant the whole time he's working and his topics of conversation remind me of this blog which I'm so proud of.  As in, they are random and a bit crazy.

Anyway, his assistant apparently doesn't watch TV because she had never heard of this Spartacus show of which he spoke.

Why was he suddenly talking about Spartacus you ask?  I'm glad you did.

It all started with allergies.  The assistant was sniffling during the whole procedure.  This lead the good dentist to comment on her drainage problem, which lead to a discussion about nose cancer.

How did we get to nose cancer?  Well, the dentist is a curious person and decided to stick one of those devices up his nose to try and discern what was causing his allergy induced stuffiness.  I think this involved the usage of a mirror. 

And what should appear up his plugged orifice except some kind of strange growth which he convinced himself could be some sort of nasal cancer.

His assistant, of course, commented on how young and healthy the good dentist was and he takes care of himself so there is no way he could be suffering from some strange nostril cancer. 

And just like that, we're talking about Spartacus.  Well, they are talking about Spartacus because my mouth is full of various instruments and all I can do is make strange grunting giggling noises occasionally.

The lead actor in Spartacus, buff and healthy as he appears, recently died from lymphoma at the age of 39.  And, in this particular dentist's chair, he became an example of how healthy people can possibly go wrong and get an allergy induced rare form of nasal cancer.  I hope you're still with me.

But, when our assistant asked the dentist about Spartacus (not knowing what type of show it was), he asked her if she'd ever seen the movie Gladiator.  She had and he explained to her how Spartacus was like Gladiator except much bloodier and well, more, adult.

Having watched both Gladiator and Spartacus myself I knew exactly what he was beating around the bush about (pun intended).  Spartacus is as close to a porn as you can get on cable television.

This lead me down the path of how historically accurate shows like Spartacus are.  And if they are historically accurate how much someone like Gar might enjoy living back in the Roman times. 

I could have a house full of hot slaves and not get much sleep.  Then, eventually, there would be dozens of little Gar Spawn running around and I'd have to step over them to get any work done.  Eventually my old age would find me decrepit and gentle and I'd pick each Gar Spawn up one at a time and ask them kindly, "Who was your momma again?"


  1. Gar might've had fun in Roman times, *if* Gar happened to be a senator or some such. Probably wasn't that great otherwise.

    Somehow that doesn't seem all that different from saying Gar might've had a lot of fun in early 21st century America if he happened to be in the top .5%. Indeed a lot of the same "problems" Gar describes (about mistresses, random [illegitimate?] spawn, etc.) apply to this class of people as well....

  2. hahaha.. this is a nice story. I can relate. My Quincy dentist is talkative too.. sometime i don't know how to talk to her because she's working on my mouth..BUt this is a a fun experience! :D

  3. Wow Ed. Way to bring a harsh reality check into my fantasy inspired lifestyle. I suppose, realistically, if I'd been alive back in the Roman times I'd have died at the ripe of age of 11. But, fortunately, my father would have been a University professor and perhaps he'd have procured me my sex slave orgy dream before I faded into history. Or, it could have just been several hot students looking for a better grade.

    Jane, I toyed with deleting your little blatant ad. However, you obviously have a really good automated responder which peaked my curiosity or you actually search tirelessly for any random post about dentists and then read it carefully enough to publish your link in a meaningful manner. Regardless, I've decided to leave your entry and see if the two people who read my blog decide to visit your site.

    Your new handle shall be "Experiment #9683"