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Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Roman Mind of Gar
Anyway, his assistant apparently doesn't watch TV because she had never heard of this Spartacus show of which he spoke.
Why was he suddenly talking about Spartacus you ask? I'm glad you did.
It all started with allergies. The assistant was sniffling during the whole procedure. This lead the good dentist to comment on her drainage problem, which lead to a discussion about nose cancer.
How did we get to nose cancer? Well, the dentist is a curious person and decided to stick one of those devices up his nose to try and discern what was causing his allergy induced stuffiness. I think this involved the usage of a mirror.
And what should appear up his plugged orifice except some kind of strange growth which he convinced himself could be some sort of nasal cancer.
His assistant, of course, commented on how young and healthy the good dentist was and he takes care of himself so there is no way he could be suffering from some strange nostril cancer.
And just like that, we're talking about Spartacus. Well, they are talking about Spartacus because my mouth is full of various instruments and all I can do is make strange grunting giggling noises occasionally.
The lead actor in Spartacus, buff and healthy as he appears, recently died from lymphoma at the age of 39. And, in this particular dentist's chair, he became an example of how healthy people can possibly go wrong and get an allergy induced rare form of nasal cancer. I hope you're still with me.
But, when our assistant asked the dentist about Spartacus (not knowing what type of show it was), he asked her if she'd ever seen the movie Gladiator. She had and he explained to her how Spartacus was like Gladiator except much bloodier and well, more, adult.
Having watched both Gladiator and Spartacus myself I knew exactly what he was beating around the bush about (pun intended). Spartacus is as close to a porn as you can get on cable television.
This lead me down the path of how historically accurate shows like Spartacus are. And if they are historically accurate how much someone like Gar might enjoy living back in the Roman times.
I could have a house full of hot slaves and not get much sleep. Then, eventually, there would be dozens of little Gar Spawn running around and I'd have to step over them to get any work done. Eventually my old age would find me decrepit and gentle and I'd pick each Gar Spawn up one at a time and ask them kindly, "Who was your momma again?"