Thursday, August 20, 2009

Seven Signs that You Might Be On Your Way To Obesity

I saw this on Washington Post today so I thought I’d share it for my obesaphobic friend Durango.

  1. If you choose the larger plate when offered two plate sizes, you might be obese.  Experts agree that 98.6% of “obese” people will choose the larger plate.  Apparently it fools their pudgy eyes into thinking they are not eating as much.
  2. When you go to a buffet, if you choose a table that faces the buffet of fat inducing calories then you might be headed down the path of obesity.  Experts agree that 41.7% of obese people will eat in such a way that they can face their next conquests.  Next time I find myself sitting across from such a person I might be a little nervous.
  3. If you try to eat efficiently then you might be headed down the glorious path of rapid obesity.  When offered a fork or chop sticks at a Chinese buffet, experts say that 91.3% of obese people will opt for the fork for quicker shoveling.  I wonder why they didn’t offer spoons.
  4. If you make sure your plate is perfectly clean (after you finish with it), then you are probably in trouble.  I blame this on growing up with the “don’t you know kids are starving in Africa” guilt trip.  I’ve recently learned that when I’m full it’s okay to leave a bit behind.  It also gives the obese person that might be sitting across from me something to stare at (see Item 2).
  5. If you don’t chew then you might be obese or headed that way.  Experts agree that lean people chew their food almost 15 times before swallowing.  Obese people?  Not even 12.  I’m going to open up a buffet with blenders at the table.  The only buffet where chewing is not necessary.
  6. If you immediately head for the buffet line when you enter the diner, then you likely aren’t headed down the path of a maintainable weight.  I think you can go back to Item 2 again.  Obese people grab their plates without looking first because they know they can plan the next trip while shoveling their first helping.  It seems skinny people like making a few laps around the buffet before deciding what to eat. 
  7. If you skip breakfast you are 450% more likely to be obese.  I’ve recently started skipping breakfast.  This is not a good sign.


  1. You're in for it now...I've sensed that the Durango has an aversion for the "phobia" word.

    I disagree with #7, when I attempt breakfast, I find myself looking forward to lunch earlier than when I skip breakfast. What works best for me is, I'll have an apple about 9AM, and then a salad around 12, then some kind of protein, maybe tuna or cottage cheese around 3PM, a couple more snacks between 5 & triscuits. I rarely eat a complete meal anymore.

    Gar, really? You?

  2. I had absolutely no idea I was obesity-phobic til I read it on this extremely informative blog.

  3. Some of them make no sense. When offered 2 plates, of course most people will pick the larger plate. What does that has to do with being obese, I think it's more common sense.

  4. Thanks for the tip CT2 or J'Girl. I don't know which name is better. CT2 is easier to type. I don't fear the wrath of Durango.

    Oh look, there he is now. I sense some kind of sarcastic remark from his obsesaphobic self. Does an obesaphobic person fear obese people or fear becoming obese?

    Hey Ghost. I don't know what you look like, but being that you are not American, you probably have nothing to fear. I agree that they don't make much sense. I don't know why I found them humorous. I, myself, always choose the smaller plates, but it's mostly because of my lack of dexterity. Less to spill kind of thing.