Tiger Woods’ Apology

I really tried not to do this, but I couldn’t help it. After the fun I had making a play of my last Internet Blog Drama Storm, I had to try my hand at this. Plus a colleague at lunch put me up to it. It’s really all his fault.

This will be a short one. I’m not feeling all that creative. There will be 3 players: Tiger Woods who is addicted to sex (he’s finally admitted to being a male between 13 & 72). We’ll call him TW in the play.

Tiger Woods’ Mom who is proud of her addicted son. We’ll call her MW. Is it odd to claim to have a sexual problem and have a last name of Woods?

And finally, the Press or TP (like toilet paper). They just ask the questions and offer snide remarks.

As usual my thoughts and the setting will be in italics. Oh yeah and just so I don’t get in trouble for anything I’m about to say or have already said, I did not watch the apology. The only news I’ve heard I’ve heard sitting at the bar listening to old ladies heckle. So this has absolutely little basis in fact.

We start out in quiet press room with TW approaching the podium. Head bowed in obvious sadness.

TW: Ladies and gentlemen and the press. I’d like to offer my heart felt apology for having wild and crazy sex with all those women…and getting caught. I’m sorry.

He looks like he’s about to cry. The sadness over getting caught is traumatic.

TP: What? Is that all? We’re booked full of advertisers for the next 30 minutes. You must continue. What does your mom think about all this?

MW: Boy, I can’t believe you had sex with all those hot chicks. You are just like your father.

TW: Well then my father was a wise and lucky man. Like me. Except it probably wasn’t as easy for him because he wasn’t a golf star who had the money and notoriety to have thousands of women throwing themselves at him daily. That reminds me, when is the next tournament?

TP: Speaking of playing. When do you plan to get back on the course.

TW: Well, you know me, I can’t do anything without a wood in my hand. The lower I score, the more I score. It’s like magic. And I’m sorry.

TP: So that means we could see you back in business by the end of this year?

TW: Are you kidding? I don’t think I can wait that long. Did I not tell you I’m addicted. I could do 18 holes right now.

MW: Oh I love you son. When they knock you off your SUV with a golf club, you get right back in and drive it home.

And the scene closes with a teary hug between TW and MW as TW slyly winks at all the hot chicks in the audience standing behind his mom.

As they break to commercial, TW’s new endorsement deal is the first advertisement. It’s a link. Not for the youngsters.

I hate updating these after I've posted them, but...

Do you know what the difference is between Tiger Woods and Cirque Du Soleil?

Do ya do ya?

Cirque Du Soleil has a cunning array of stunts!